I Wish

Turn Back The Clock

I kiss Eliza back, and the world is ours. She eventually rolls off of me and lands on the floor.

"Mac, its dark," she calls when a pillow falls on her head.

I lift the pillow barely enough to see her eyes. She laughs and props herself up as I pull the pillow close to my chest.

"Mine now," I claim.

She crawls over to me, dragging her injured leg behind her. She curls up in my lap and closes her eyes again.

"Does it hurt?" She asks sleepily.

"What?"

"Your arm." She pokes the arm wrapped around her shoulder.

"It hurts a little. What about your leg?" I say.

"I'm fine," she lies.

"Eliza," I groan.

"It hurts some," she admits.

With that she falls asleep.

I smile down at her and hold her against my chest.

I slip into my own thoughts. Memories, mostly. Every time she smiled at me; every time I carried her around because she was tired; every time we got stuck on the roof, we never really learned our lesson; every time we stood up for each other to bullies, and even adults and teachers. The memories start moving faster and faster until they stop. It was as if I had paused a movie on a specific frame.

One that showed a beautiful girl smiling at me with tears on her face. She was pushing me away, but I grabbed her hands. We stood still, unsure of what to do next.

The memory unfreezes, and I heard her say, "I'm really sorry, but it's a part of who I am."

I looked at her and pushed up her sleeve to trace my finger along the scars on her forearm.

"I love every part of you, but you, you can't do this. I can't live without you. I need you."

I took her face in my hands and leaned closer to her, "I love you, and I need you."

I snap back to the present when I hear Eliza's voice.

"Daydreaming?" She teases.

"Remembering," I correct.

"When?"

"The day we first went up to the roof."

"Do you know that that is my favorite high school memory? It was when I finally realized that you truly cared about me and I could trust you with anything. I knew that you wouldn't abandon me like he did."

There's a sad smile on her face as she recounts the memory.

"I showed you my scars, and I could tell that it scared you. You were so gentle with me, and I couldn't tell if I was thankful or irritated. You told me that you loved every part of me and that you needed me. Then you kissed me. It was our first kiss. Actually, it was my first kiss at all.

"Then the teachers came in after finally getting the door unlocked, and we were in so much trouble. I would have jumped out of that second story window to get out, but you were holding my hand, and I knew that I couldn't make you jump. The teachers were being cruel, threatening us, calling us names. I don't even know why. Mr. Browne was there, though. He pushed his way to the front and demanded to speak to the two of us alone. The other teachers rolled their eyes, but they listened. He closed the door behind them and turned to us.

"He fixed his gaze on me, but you stood between the two of us, pushing me behind you. Mr. Browne just smiled and raised his hands in surrender."

"Yeah, he did," I agree.

We both sit in silence remembering what happened next.

*Flashback*

Izzy steps out from behind me with her head down. She mumbles an apology.

"What was that?"

She flinches and raises her head.

"I'm sorry. It was my fault. I wanted to talk to him."

Mr. Browne takes her wrist and gently pushes up her sleeve. She stands stock-still, and I could see that she is holding her breath. He lets go of her wrist and pushes his own sleeve, and Izzy lets out a small breath.

"I know what it's like," he says as he pulls his sleeve back down.

"You come to me if you need anything, alright? Also there are some things that help: A quiet place, an effective distraction, and a friend. You have a friend, and I know that you sing to get your mind off of something. The roof is a nice quiet place, and it's especially pretty at dawn and dusk."

He pushes the door open, and we slip out. We don't stop running until we get to the roof where we stayed for several hours. From then on, that was our safe place.