Q: What is height of Stupidity? A: A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
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Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on? A: He wanted to be a cool cat.
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Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A chalkboard
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Q: What happens once in a minute and twice in a moment but never in a decade?
A: The letter "m."
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Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind2. No business.
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Q: How did the pirate get through School? A: By sailing on high Cs.
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Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: To know which witch is which!
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Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a 1,000 letters?
A: Post office.
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Amazing and true lawyer statements. Lawyers typically aren't funny unless by accident. Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide. 1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?2) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning? 3)Q: What happened then?A: He told me, he says,'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'Q: Did he kill you? 4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war? 5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 6) Were you alone or by yourself. 7) How long have you been a French Canadian? 8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind? 9)Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.A: That's me.Q: Were you present when that picture was taken? 10) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? 11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?A: By death.Q: And by whose death was it terminated? 12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?A: I'll be three months on November 8.Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?A: Yes.Q: What were you doing at that time? 13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?A: I used to be.Q: How many times have you committed suicide? 14) So you were gone until you returned? 15) Q: She had three children, right?A: Yes.Q: How many were boys?A: None.Q: Were there girls? 16) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? 17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?A: Yes.Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? 18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?A: Not yet. 19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said 'Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question.' 20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p. m.Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that so?A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!
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Q:What did one plate say to the other plate? A:('Lunch is on me!')
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Q: Why are hairdressers never late for work?
A: Because they know all the short cuts!
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Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
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Q: "Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish?" A: "You cant tuna fish."
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A Nano breaks down on a roadside. A BMW 750Li stops to help the driver.
I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights.
