Is Change So Bad ( Evil Deku )

why?

Katsuki's pov

Why, the one word that keeps reapting in my head over and over like a beat to a song that never ends. Why, did they take izuku. Why, did he run away. Why, did he look so empty. Why didn't I notice sooner. Why, all I want to know is WHY?! I scream in my head. I get up from laying in my bed where I was trying to sleep, but now a days it's just so hard to , I've had so many sleepless nights just thinking, searching, gathering any info I can to help find him. I miss him. The teachers sent me to the doctor and he told me I was malnurished and need sleep. Ever since izuku disappeared I've lost my appetite as well. He prescribed me sleeping pills and told the teachers to make sure I ate. Still it doesn't help much I can sleep alittle more now though. I get up and walk to the desk I have in my room, get my laptop and look up the article about izuku. He's been missing for a year now and it seems like everyone one just gave up. Am I the only who still cares besides Mrs.mydoria.

Todoroki pov

Izuku, oh how I miss you so much. Where could those people have taken you. Are you even still alive? No stop shoto you can't think that way. I have to still believe that way I can see him again. All I want to do is see you again. I get up from my bed and walk out of my dorm to go for a walk so hopefully I can sleep tonight. I walk on the side walk not caring where I'm headed, just   thinking. Thinking of possible ways to find mydoria ways to save him. The police have looked for clues everywhere around the place of the kidnapping. I looked in his room to see if I could get any ideas and what i got was heart wrenching. I found a bottle of antidepressants, razors hidden in his bathroom and by his bed, and note books talking about everything flaw and issue he thought he had but always put that they were unfixable. He thought he was broken and unfixable. How did he hide this from us his friends, how did he hide this from me? Why didn't I notice sooner. Why did I miss the signs of his depression, his suffering. He was hurting himself this whole time and tearing himself apart from the inside out and I didn't notice. Why am I so worthless, helpless, and so stupid. Why. Why. WHY! WHY!WHY! I now realize I'm yelling out loud in the middle of now where. I better start heading back. I reach my hand up and, am I . . . Crying. I haven't cried I'm a couple months. Hehe I really am helpless. I start to head back to the dorms.

Katsuki pov

I hate that I can't do anything right now ahhhhhh! I slam my hands on my desk and stand up. I need to go for a walk. I grab a jacket and head out. I've been so stressed lately having walks has helped me stay a little sainer. I walk for a bit ignoring my surroundings and just thinking when some asshole bumps into me. I look up ready to yell and see that fucking half and half bastard look at me as well. I give him a dirty look and start to yell, " fucking dumbass watch were the fuck your going." Then he looked as if he was about to snap. " Well excuse me but you weren't looking either you fucking explody bastard." Then I say something I wish I hadn't.

Todoroki pov

Im on my way back to the dorms when bakugo slams into my shoulder while he isn't looking and then tells me, "fucking dumbass watch were the fuck your going."  " Well excuse me but you weren't looking either you fucking explody bastard." I feel like I'm at the end of my rope I just can't handle this right now I will snap. " I saw you there that night you jumped out the window after me to go find izuku  but were where you when they took him why didn't you help me asshole. WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP ME SAVE HIM!" My fire side explodes and my ice starts to fire off like crazy. Bakugos letting off explosion as well lucky for us we are far away from the school. " WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL ME THAT WHEN YOU COULD HAVE SAVED HIM. WE WERE BOTH THERE AND WE BOTH FAILED! WE BOT FAILED IN SAVING HIM!....... But I will never stop looking for him." I start to calm down and look him straight in the eyes. " WHY, YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HIM! NOTHING!"  he just keeps getting more wound up. " I know more about him than you do." " LIKE WHAT!? " His question sounds more like a demand. " DID YOU KNOW ABOUT HIS CUTTING, HIS DEPRESSION, DID YOU KNOW ABOUT HOW MUCH HE HATED HIMSELF AND IF YOU KNEW AND DIDN'T SAVE HIM FROM HIMSELF I WILL FUCKING END YOU NOW!" I throw the bottle of antidepressents I found at him. His quirk stopped immediantely and his eyes grew as he slid to his knees and stared at the bottle with mydoria name on it.

Katsuki pov

Did I start this, I think while looking at the bottle. How did it turn out this way. what going on, why did it turn out this way. Yes, I did this. I made him this way. what have I done. I look up at todoroki with hate in my eyes. No its not my fault or at least not completely it can't be. " you knew and you did nothing. HOW CAN YOU STAND THERE YELLING AT ME IF YOU KNEW!" He just looked at me, his eyes turned soft and he said, "I found them in his room after he was taken." he looked away from me, hurt fills his eyes. " I wish I would have know I really wish could have stopped him." he said .  I just keep looking at him, "I'm sorry, I need to go." I say, it hurts so bad I know what I've done and it hurts that I'm only now realizing that im the one that made him this way. I stand up and run as far and as fast as I can not really knowing where I'm running to. 

Todoroki pov

I watch him run never once looking back. My eyes start to water. "I really should have know, but like always I'm so useless." I fall to the ground holding my head while I just let the tears flow like a waterfall that has built up for to long the dame has broken. I scream, " WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME IZUKU WHY????" 

Katsuki pov

I open my eyes when my body tells me to stop. I am at the place where it all started it was the day a kid with green hair wandered into the woods and got lost finding this cave that I called my base. I helped him home and we became best friends but I had to ruin that. " why did I fuck this up so badly." I whisper to no one.