Touring My Heart While Touring America (Marianas Trench Fan Fic)

Day 1 June 8

A/n: Song of the chapter is Beside You by the one and only Marianas Trench

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things were cool on the bus.

Matt, Mike, and Ian were in the back playing Halo, typical Marianas Trench stuff. Lily and I were getting a personal tour of the bus from Josh Ramsay him self.

I smiled to myself as he showed us where we’d be sleeping. We kind of already knew the bus from watching the tour bus tour on YouTube but seeing it in person was different. We didn’t get a tour of the bus the night before because, well, it was late when we got on the bus.

“That’s pretty much it. Any questions?”

“Nope,” Lily shook her head. “What about you, Erin, any questions?”

I shook my head, afraid of my own voice. I knew that, if given the chance, I would say something stupid in front of my favorite person in the whole world, Josh Ramsay.

“Do you want to go join the guys in the back?”

“Sure,” Lily spoke for us both.

Josh walked ahead of us. Lily grabbed my arm, “Erin, will you calm down? You’re dealing with Josh Ramsay, not the president of the United States!”

“I’m sorry,” I apologized, “He’s just so cute and I’m afraid of saying something stupid!”

“You won’t say anything* stupid. Just act natural and calm around him.”

I nodded my head and began to follow Lily to the back room.

“Wait, I want to grab my book.” I turned around and jogged back towards my bunk.

Once I had my book in hand, I walked back to the back room.

I got back there and noticed that Lily had started drinking and playing Halo with Matt, Mike, and Ian.

I sat in a corner by myself and put my headphones in.

I noticed that Josh wasn’t with us so I assumed that he went back to the front of the bus.

I opened my book and began reading.

After a few minutes, I noticed someone sit next to me. I pulled out a head phone. “Hey, Erin. What are you listening to?” Josh asked as he smiled at me.

“Um,” I hesitated, “You don’t want to know.”

“Come on, tell me.”

“No,” I laughed.

He snatched the free headphone and stuck it in his ear. “Really? You’re listening to that crappy band Marianas Trench?” “

Yea,” I admitted shyly. “

"This song is old,” He pointed out.

“It’s from the Fix Me album,” I said smiling; “It’s only like six years old.”

“Hurts the same when nobody knows

I guess that's just how it goes

And I won't say anything at all.”

He belted the words to the song in perfect sync. I sighed at the sound of his singing.

“In all seriousness, are you really listening to me sing on your iPod when I’m right here and able to serenade you just as easily.”

“I am, but I didn’t want to walk up to you and be like ‘Hey, will you sing to me as I read my book?’ That would be way to fan girlish of me.”

Just then, Shake Tramp started to play.

“Which song of ours is your favorite?”

“Skin & Bones is my favorite, hands down.”

Josh sighed, “That one is probably one of the most personal to me.” Things became awkwardly silent between us.

“That song makes me cry every time I listen to it.

“Is that for any particular reason?”

I silently nodded my head.

“Why,” Josh asked.

Tears began to form in my eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it here,” I said softly.

Josh grabbed my hand, pulling my out of my corner. “Come on; let’s go sit up at the front of the bus. You can talk to me in private there.”

Josh held my hand as we walked silently to the front of the bus. Josh and I sat down. He stared into my eyes. I looked away and tried to fight the tears.

“As a teenager, I was heavier than most girls. I wasn’t too terribly over weight, but guys never generally wanted me. I struggled with always wanting to not eat so I could lose the weight, but I could never get myself to do it. I turned to self-infliction instead.”

Josh grabbed my arm and forced up the sleeve of my jacket. “They aren’t there,” I admitted, full of shame.

“Where are they,” Josh asked as he wiped some tears off of my cheek. I pushed up the leg of my shorts. Thin pink scars covered the inside of my thigh. “It’s like that on both legs.”

Josh rubbed my thigh. “Why would you do this to yourself,” He asked, his eyes never leaving my thigh. “

"I-I don’t know. It made me feel good. Having a blade in my hand made me feel good. Once I started, I couldn’t stop.

“Why am I even telling you all of this? You wouldn’t understand.”

“I wouldn’t understand? I, Josh Ramsay, wouldn’t understand?”

“Josh, I didn’t mean it-“

He cut me off, “Don’t even. As a fan, you should know good and well that I would understand.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Josh. I meant you wouldn’t understand self-infliction.”

He stood up, “You don’t think bulimia and doing heroin aren’t forms of self-infliction, Erin?To me, they very much were, that’s exactly why I wrote Skin & Bones and Lover Dearest.”

“I’m sorry, Josh. I didn’t mean to offend you.” I ran over to my bunk and climbed in. I put my head phones in and curled up into a ball.

“Erin?” I faintly heard Josh’s voice calling my name.

Tears flowed freely from my eyes as I replayed his words in my head.

I felt his body climb in next to mine. “I’m sorry, Erin, I didn’t mean to upset you. Talking and think about my past brings out the worst in me. I didn’t realize you were so sensitive about your past.”

I pulled out my head phones. “My life was so hard. My sister was abusive towards me and my mom was never around because she had to work her butt off to be able to support me and my sister. My father was arrested when I was young. I was rejected my just about every guy I liked. The ones who I did end up with all but used me for sex. I just want one guy who will definitely prove that they aren’t all the same,” the tears flowed freely as I spoke, “One guy who, if we had sex, wouldn’t break my heart after. One guy who will love me and hold me and let me cry freely.” I turned to face Josh, “I want someone that I can call my best friend and the love of all at the same time.”

Josh pulled me close to him and kissed me tenderly and passionately on the lips, “Erin, I know we’ve only known each other for one day but I feel like we need each other. I want to be all of those things for you. I want to show you how a true man loves.” I pressed my face into his shoulder. I didn’t have to respond for him to know my answer.

Eventually I fell asleep in the arms of that incredible man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: when Josh says "I want to show you how a true man loves," that doesn't mean he's fallen in love with Erin, that just means he wants to show her how a woman should be treated.