(im)patience

Chapter 9

[Sean]

You know when you fall in a dream and you violently wake up with adrenaline pumping through your veins like crazy ? Well, I actually woke up and kept falling, my head hitting the back of the couch before I could realize what was happening.

Kaycee was staring at me wide eyed, a worried look on her face as she was standing still in front of me.

"What happened?" I muttered confused, my voice still raspy and head throbbing.

Her lips moved trying to say something, but ended just trembling, letting out a soft whimper.

Worry got to me in an instant and I questioned visibly concerned, "What's wrong, Kayc?"

She just shook her head and bit her bottom lip nervously, still staring at me with the most somber frown. I couldn't understand what was happening, an hour ago everything was fine.

"Talk to me." I pleaded, taking a step towards her but stopped dead in tracks when she took a step back immediately.

"Just give me a minute." She breathed and rushed straight to the bathroom.

It felt like ten minutes to me or even more before she came out, her face serious and determined. I swallowed hard, my mouth and throat feeling dry in anticipation. This can't be good.

She sat back on the couch and patted the space left as a silent invitation for me. Instead of doing that, I kneeled in front of her such that our eyes were at the same level and took her hands in mine. She squeezed them reassuringly for a moment, not sure if to calm me down or herself.

"I think it's time to talk about some stuff." She began carefully, watching me as I nodded approvingly. I didn't know what to expect as she kept a straight face which predicted more bad news than good ones.

"You drive me crazy." She stated unamused, taking her hands away from mine.

"Yeah, you're the one talking..." I replied with a short chuckle and smirked satisfied with the direction this conversation was taking.

"No, that's not what I meant, Sean. I can't, we can't." She emphasized the last words shaking her head vehemently.

I swallowed all my words and my mood sunk five feet below the ground, buried and abandoned.

"Why are you fighting this?" I questioned coldly, searching her eyes. She was avoiding my gaze and I tucked my fingers below her chin, gently turning her face towards me. Seeing her glassy eyes and dropped shoulders, looking so lonely and defeated, I got the urge to hug her tiny figure and assure her that everything will be ok. I tried to get closer, but she grabbed my shoulders tightly, stopping me.

"I need you to hear me out and understand what I'm saying. Remember when you said that we're going to watch the behind-the-scenes videos from World of Dance when we're like 85 years old ?" She patiently waited for my nod and continued, "For that to be possible I need us to stand our ground as it is. And I mean it, Sean, I need you to work with me on this."

"And to answer your question, well, I can't even keep my pet fish alive. What makes you think that I can commit to a relationship, grow along with it and still follow my dreams ? Our dreams." Her speech became more and more intense with every word.

I loved when she spoke her mind so freely and determined. It brought out that inner fire that kept the light alive. It burned inside her with passion, tempered under the usual shyness and bright smile. But there were times like this when the fire just bursts to the surface, turning the warm light to a blinding intensity, glowing.

"Think about how hectic our schedules are. You're already gone for at least two or three months every year touring and soon so will I. I miss you too much as it is now already, I don't think I'll be able to handle more." Kaycee finished in a low voice, almost embarrassed, the fire slowly burning down to its usual hidden state.

Her raw honesty and maturity were heartbreaking and made me realize how thorough she thought about this. It angered me that she was right. Like always.

"I'd rather you hate me than look at me like that." She whispered shyly.

"Like what?" I asked, genuinely not knowing what she was referring at.

"Like you're trying to see a way out of everything I said."

I sighed and covered my face. How was I supposed to take such a huge step back after a million baby steps forward I had no idea. I tried tossing aside the thought of rejection, this constant image of her pushing me away. But it was all clear from the start, that if I was to put myself through hell to make her happy and comfortable, I'd do it in a heartbeat without question.

[Kaycee]

"I can't promise you anything, but I'll try. I promise." He tried to smile, but didn't even reveal his dimples, let alone touch his eyes that were holding stubbornly onto some tears.

In that moment I hated letting everything out. If that was the outcome of me trying to put things in place so we are fine, I failed miserably. My heart shrank to the size of a grape and was barely beating.

"Thank you, I'll give you some space then." I mumbled, trying to get out of that room. I couldn't hold it any longer and seeing him like that wasn't helping at all.

"Please do." Was all I heard him say before shutting the door behind me and bursting into tears a second after.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Author's Note]

I'm sorry for this turning out so cheesy. I rewrote this chapter at least 3 times and this is the least lame of them, lol. I will be able to post the next chapter only next week, thought I'd give you a heads up. Thank you sooo much for reading this and especially for bearing with me through it all. Y'all the real MVPs.