For months I fill my mind with empty thoughts
That reel me back to being distraught
Sadness like a blanket
Covers me when I'm cold at night
And there's no light for me to see
See what's right in front of me
My hands are covering my eyes
When I meant to reach for skies
I think a lot
Sometimes too much if you ask me
And too often to where I can't breathe
Because it can get so overwhelming
My brain is swelling with emotions
From heartbreaks turned to tragedies
And lies lead to more causalities
Even the simplest of ideas
Explode in my mind like Santa Maria
And I know it sounds like a mess
Overthinking at its best
When I'm looking left
Because I don't feel right
I'm left with discomfort
From deep inside
Deep inside my heart and soul
That's cracking and breaking,
Because I want to unfold
To misfortunes that come my way
Obstacles I would openly obey
If I had the heart to face my fears
To live a life full of plenty tears
of laughter from the ones I love
And movies that are way too old
And writing that touches my soul
I want to feel deeper
deeper than the scars which will heal
I want to be real
Realer than the mask I wear
That cracks within the years
Because I can only go so long
With pretending I'm someone who I'm not
that chip on my shoulder is more like a boulder
weighing me down as I get older
and all these bridges that I have burned
because I was too immature
to face society
because I'll feel rejected
mostly neglected by my peers
this fear alters
the way I talk
the way I walk
the way I double think before I speak
yet, who am I to judge
that they'll judge me?
I judge too
Its not out of the blue
That stereotypes are made
But they are not what make you
They are not what make me
I am who I am
The baggage that I carry
Is me
The broken soul that keeps on giving
Is me
The overthinker and dreamer
Is me
The breathes I take
And what I create
It's all me
It's every fiber of my being
And one day I'll be the woman I want to be
Thinking back to her teenage years
Where she thought she'd have it all here
In the palm of her hand
But I would tell my younger self
That it was okay to overthink sometimes
Because that's you
But it doesn't have to control you
My thoughts can be powerful
They will not break me
But instead shape me
make me stronger
And go on longer
For better years to come
Because life is not over
Even though it might seem so
When skies are more grey than blue
And thunderstorms are never new
Where the path that's not straight
But crooked and bent in different ways
That's the road ill take
Because I know
Challenges are the way to go
And when my dedication
And motivation
Will strike like a lightning bolt
I'll remember why I'm here
To inspire
And go higher than what I'm told
And to love and be loved
But I won't go back to feeling numb
and my will to change
To make everything okay
But it won't be
If my mindset
Is a hurricane of negativity
A tornado of disparity
When really
It should be a flood of positivity
An earthquake of simplicity
I won't allow myself to be a puppet
Of my alternate personality
That keeps pulling on my strings
And making me sing to songs
I can't sing
But to the songs
Of which I love dearly
I will learn all the lyrics
And dance to my own beat
Because I can't beat what's meant to be
I will learn to be myself
The knowledge that I always yearned for
flow from my own mind
Instead of from the silver platter that serves me
I might just be getting somewhere
Somewhere less empty
