My spring day. [COMPLETED]

bittersweet.

You had carefully narrowed down your choice of outfits to two, now laid out on bed. You could either wear black jeans with a striped t-shirt topped with a long grey cardigan. Or you could go for the blue, laced skater dress Mrs. Goldberg had gifted you for your 19th birthday. The second was cute, made you look less hideous. But it was an outdoor concert, you didn't want to get too cold or uncomfortable.

After getting into the clothes, and tying your hair up in a bun, you walk into your mother's room. Your mother had her face buried into an old coat that your father used to wear all the time. She was weeping, visibly shaking.

"Mom!" you rush over to her, putting an arm around her . She was freezing. "Y/n," she looks up at you, eyes swollen red, "I miss him." She remembers, she's back. Your mom was back. A loud knock on the door makes you both jump. Manager Sejin. She grabs onto your arm, "Are you leaving me?" You look into her eyes, they weren't grey today. They were crystal clear, you could see your reflection on them. She was here, maybe not for long. But she needed you, and you were going to stay. "No mom, I'm not going anywhere."

When the knocking stops, your mom loosens her grip. "My baby," she caresses your face. You place your head on her lap, hugging her waist as she ran her fingers through you hair. "You've grown up so much. So beautiful," her tears were dropping on to your face and sliding down your face, forming streams with your own tears.

"I missed you mommy," you sob harder.

"I know angel, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

You sit up, looking directly at her, "No, don't be. I can look after you, and I will for as long as my life lasts. I will always be here for you." She looks as motherly as she possibly could. You feel like a little girl again, like the 14 year old stuck in your room waiting to grow up.

That night you sleep next to each other, clinging on to each other like your lives depended on it. Maybe your lives did depend on it. As your eyes slowly close and you drift off into sleep the last thing you remember are two doe eyes, waiting for you.

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When you wake up the next morning, your mother is seated on the edge of the bed. Drifted away, her eyes grey again. Even though it's more painful than usual, you can't thank her enough for last night. You were so happy you could've died without any regrets. Well, maybe just one. Jungkook. You had to call him, tell him you're sorry.

With these thoughts you stroke your mother's graying hair and leave the room, looking for your phone.

23 missed calls.

Shit.

You dial his number. 1 ring. 2 rings. 3...4....5... No reply. You try reaching him a few more times, but you were already late for class, you'll have to try again later.

You keep calling him on your way to and from class with no success. I had let him down. You could feel an uneasy feeling rising in your gut, as if something wasn't right. Why won't he answer? Your eyes moisten a little but you can't break down so easily. You were stronger than this. Taking a deep breath, you decide to just keep trying. After all, that was something you were really good at.

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You had fallen asleep on the couch, your phone still in your hand. You've lost count on how many times you tried to get through to him.

A knock on the door sends you shooting to open it. And there he stood, hands in his pockets, looking down. "Hey," his voice has lost all color.

"I..I um, I was trying to call you," you don't even know where to start.

"Yeah, I know," he sighs. When he looks at you, you almost don't recognize his eyes. "Do you know how excited I was to see you last night?" You can't answer him, you have to. You had a proper reason. Then why can't I answer him? He will understand. But you can't find the right words. The anger in his eyes is all you can see and it frightens you. "I kept delaying my solo, hoping you'd turn up any minute. But after a few times the staff told me I had no choice. So when I finally went on and performed? My freaking voice cracked. It cracked over and over again. I was horrible. I was just urgh!" He was getting louder. "Do you know what kind of problem that is to me mentally? How much of an embarrassment it was? This was all because of – " he stops himself.

"Because of whom?" your heart was cracking, it was on the brink of being shattered all over again. "Because of me? You must be wishing you never even met me right?" you scoff.

"I never said that," his mumbles, looking away.

"Are you done?" You weren't going to let him walk away without hearing you side of the story. "Do you even know why I couldn't come?" He remains quiet. "My mom came back Jungkook," his eyes widen with surprise, "She came back. And not like that day you were here. She was back for an entire night. We had a proper conversation, like a normal family. I couldn't leave her, I just couldn't. How could I let a chance like that go?" You were tearing up now.

He moves towards you, "Baby I'm sorry." You push away his hand reaching for your face and walk inside. He follows you. "Hey, I'm sorry, I just got carried away, I'm sorry." You face him, a hand on your hip and chuckle. "Hey," his eyes were pleading, "Baby I'm sorry." He comes closer to you, bodies touching. You look down, letting your tears fall to the ground. "I even got dressed," you sniff. He pulls you into an embrace and you let him. You feel the weight of his head resting on yours. "I'm sorry," he kept saying.

His voice drowns out as you think of how much it hurt to hear him talk to you like that. It was scary, how someone you had just gotten close to had the potential of creating so much of damage. 

I have to let go. The thought kept flashing across your mind. You couldn't be so vulnerable. Not when you already had been through losing people you love. You knew the pain. You don't think you have the strength to survive another run. If an argument left you in this much pain and trouble, you couldn't even bare the thought of something worse.

I have to let go, now. Now. Before it's too late.

It was already too late, you knew this. But you didn't want to put him through more of your bullshit. He didn't deserve this. He can find a normal girl, with a normal family, with normal problems. He doesn't need to carry your weight anymore.

I have to let go.

You slowly remove yourself from his arms, and take a few steps away. His eyes fill with confusion, fear. He wasn't ready for the words that leave your lips next, nor were you.

"You should leave."    

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