Types of tears (COMPLETED)

chapter 6

What cover have you guys liked? My favorite is this one.^^

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I grunt on the buss, seeing that lady sitting next to me to give me a wired look. I forget about my Spanish homework. I remember just as the bus stops at my school, I was dead.

I get off and walk to my class, throw the day I found out that the others didn't do their Spanish homework either, making the teacher give us an extra week cause no one new Spanish. Great news and bad news at the same time. Just more time but the same pressure.

I get out of school the moment I hear the bell go on. I walk to the bus and get on seeing and empty sit, and feel my mood improve, feeling a bit of relief as I sit down. It only lasted like 15 minutes, then a little kid sat down next to me.

When I get home I open the door. Seeing my mom was already there, confused I walk to my room, getting a one second eye contact with her as I close my door, she was reading some papers. I sit down next to the door trying to see if I hear anything that could give me a clue of what she was doing here. I wait for 6 minutes, and just as I was about to get up I hear her call someone.

The conversation went on pretty formal, a good afternoon, followed by a "how was your day", I thought it was just some old friend she called to spare time until I hear Peytons name. I pay more attention at the point.

"Yes it would be great" she said, I put my head against the door trying to hear everything clearly. "I would love to see you too, we miss you around here" I glare at the wall in front of me, it was Payton, he was coming over. I remember a few weeks ago he would call me but I refuse to pick up, and later he text me asking how I was doing, and that we should get together some day. I ignore those as well. "Yes this is your home, you can stay as much as you like." This makes me back away a little, stay as much as you like? He was gonna stay here! Normal he would visit about 2 times a year, and would stay only 1 or 2 days, that was perfectly fine by me, sign those days my parents were all over him, and paid no attention to me, I didn't have to deal with being the black sheep in family. But what if he was gonna stay here longer? How much longer could he stay here? Why was he even coming? Right in the middle of school year, this made no sense.

"Yes baby I miss you" I hear my mom say and roll my eyes. I try to pretend that doesn't hurt me, I try to take it off like I don't care, but I do, I care a lot. I even try to convince myself that I don't care, but I can't. When ever I see them say this stuff to Peyton I can't help but think if they would say the same things to me, would they even miss me? Would anyone miss me? I slid down the door already knowing the answer. No. The answer was no.

The feeling of being alone comes in me again, I feel empty, I wish there was something I could take to just get this feeling out of me but there isn't, sure there antidepressant and drugs but what would that do? Nothing, it would just numb me out for a moment and I'd be back into this black hole I call life, I can't escape it, I can't. Unless.

I look around my room, sever bottles of pills are hidden between my clothes and shoes. I remember buying every single one, I remember wanting to end it, but being too much of a coward to do so, I can't do anything, I can't even take my own life, the only things that's mine! I wasn't in control of anything. And that...cut me, in a way no knife or blade could ever.

A knock on my door makes me jump from my place "come eat" I hear my mom say. I take a moment to recover from my thoughts and get up, making sure I had no visible clue on my face about what I was thinking. As I see myself normal I walk out and sit on the table seeing my mom pull out 1 bag of McDonald from the refrigerator and put it in the microwave. I waited 2 minutes before I saw a hamburger on my plate, I get it feeling as my fingers burned from the heat of the hamburger, but I didn't care, why should I care?

"How was school?" My mom asked, again, no interest in her words at all.

"OK" I said as I start eating, I didn't want to talk, I wanted to eat and leave, but half-way through my food she speaks again.

"Came from work early, your father coming soon"

I wanted to ask why but I didn't.

"I was waiting for a call" I almost roll my eyes, almost. "It was your brother Peyton"

I didn't want to hear anything about precious Peyton, I move my body uncomfortable wanting my mom to get a hint, but she didn't.

"He's coming over, can you believe that"

That's when I heard a smile in her mouth, I look up just to confirm it, her face lit up, the tired look that was always in her face disappeared, making her look fresh, only Peyton could do this, only him, never me.

I stay quiet, I didn't want to say anything. Until I remember the question I had a minute ago. "How long?" I ask.

"He didn't say, be he did say he would love to see us a full week, so I'm guessing a week or more"

This couldn't happen. "A week? Right in the middle of the school year? How is that even possible?" I ask, trying to sound interesting, but my voice came out as annoyed. I saw how my mom lost her bright look and turned it into an angry stare.

"Why don't you like it when your brother comes to visit? Why did you always have to make everything a big deal when it's not, he's your brother for crying out loud!" She was screaming now, and as much as I tried to hold it, I just couldn't.

"Because when ever he's here I'm invisible!"

"You make yourself that way!" She screams back.

"No I don't! You do! Ever since Peyton left you forgot you had another child, you don't pick me up like you did with Peyton, you don't let me go anywhere, I get it Peyton is your favorite child!"

"Don't put this on me!" She bangs her hand on the table. "Do you think paying for college is easy! We have to work to keep him there! And you never go out anywhere! You just stay locked in your room being the victim of everything! That's the only thing you know how to do, play the victim"

I felt my eyes water but I suck it in, no way she was ever going to see my cry. "Because I see how much you guys love him and hate me! I get it I'm not good in school or at making friends or at doing things like Peyton! I'm not perfect and I know that, I know you wish I wasn't yours and I know I'll never make you proud no matter what I do! I'm sorry OK! You just see the things that I do, but have never you ever thought about how I felt." I almost whisper the last part out, breathing in careful.

My mom had her hand over her head, I couldn't see her face. "I'm trying" she said almost as a whisper in my head. "Get out of my site" she said after a moment of silence, disappointed was in her voice, I get up and felt a teardrop down my face, I speed walk into my room that moment and shut the door, covering my mouth as I start to sob, I pawned my fist against my legs and cover my face with a pillow as I scream. I hate this.