Types of tears (COMPLETED)

chapter 17

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I sit on my swing as always, rocking back and forth thinking about Royal, or better thinking about what she said. Everything made sense to me, and it was wired.

I was never the religious tip, either is my family. I mean sure we know the basics stuff like be nice to everyone and don't kill and that, but I never really cared about anything religious at all.

I always thought he didn't even care about us, if he even existed. I mean, why would he? We're so small and insignificance that we shouldn't be worth the time. But Royal messed with my head.

I mean I did get that humans have a creator and that, I mean we couldn't just have come out of thin air. But I never thought that God really cared about us. I wouldn't.

I wanted to stop thinking about this, it just made my head hurt. I run my hands through my hair and try to feel blank again. Before it was easier to just cancel everything out, but it's not anymore, and I don't like it.

I stay with my head in my hands until I feel someone tap my shoulder.

"Hey" Rebecca smiled at me as she sat down on the swing next to me. I look around to see if she was here for her little sister or mom, but the park was empty. "Thought you'd be here" she said.

"Why?" I ask.

"Just thought." She said starting to swing.

I stay quiet for a moment, waiting to see if she would say anything else, but she doesn't. "Why did you come?"

"Same reason you do." She digs in her backpack and pulls out a chocolate bar, ripping it up and offering me some.

I look at her first, then take a piece of chocolate. "Why do you think I'm here?" I ask putting the chocolate in my mouth.

"To clear your mind, you know, breath a little." She said eating the chocolate too. "I mean between school and parents and sister or brothers, life can get heavy."

I stay quiet until she talks again. "Do you have sisters?

I shake my head.

"Or brothers?" She asked again.

This time I nod starting to swing with her. Moving my legs just a little back and forth. The conversation ended with that. We didn't talk, just stared away into the sky. It was just as it was the first day I came. The sun was coming down and some stars started to show them self. Beautiful really.

I remember how I felt so alone the first time I was here, how I wanted someone to be here with me. How I looked besides me and saw an empty swing and felt so alone in the world. I do the same thing this time. I look besides me and see her.

She was looking at the sunset too. Her lipstick was gone. And her hair was down. It took me a second to realize that she was here. That I wasn't alone. And to be honest, I liked it. The feeling of being with someone, the feeling of sharing something like the sunset.

She looked at me but I looked away fast, hoping she didn't she me.

"Isn't it beautiful?" She said. I could feel her eyes on me, but I was too embarrassed to look up at her, so I just nod.

"Yeah." I mumble.

"I can see why you like coming here. It's so calm." She said, but stopped right after.

By the time I look up again it was night. It was just about the time I would leave home, but I didn't want to leave. I had one question on my mind and I needed to ask it.

"How are you doing with your patience?" I ask. "The hospital thing."

Rebecca takes a moment to answer. "Good I think. I got an old lady. She's 65, and she has a low defenses, she's sick all the time, and here bones are weak." She finished, but I didn't need that information.

"No I mean, on the report. Are you happy with her? Has she told you something, like, deep?" I ask trying to not sound wired.

"Not really. The report is going okay, and I'm almost finished, she talks a lot about her family and son that's a teacher. Mostly the report is about how she happy she lived enough to have a son and form a family." She stops for a little. "Must be nice having a family your happy with."

I wasn't looking for that either, I wanted her to tell me that her patient was telling her stuff that made her think about things she never thought before. That they were actually making her feel kind of difference, but I didn't ask either. Something in her voice told me to stop asking questions.

After that she got up and I follow her. "I have to go, I live farther than you, you know" she said with a little smile putting her backpack around her shoulder. "Thanks for letting me swing with you."

I nod too, not knowing what to say, I dig my hands into my pockets biting my lip, try to not feel awkward. "Your not scared to walk alone at night?" I ask.

"I stopped being scared of those things a long time ago." She said. Walking past me. But I quickly turn around to see her.

"What things?" I ask.

She stops her movements and looks at me, toying with her hands. "Safety I guess" after that she walked away.

Safety.. Safety, like me. Could it be possible that she thought the same things I did.

I shake my head no. She's popular, she has friends, she's always happy, she has a car, and lives in a rich part of town, she can't be depressed like me. She just can't. Maybe she's just confused. I turn my own way and get home.

California burritos were waiting for me. I eat them with my dad because my mom feel asleep really early and Peyton was in my room doing his report. We just eat quickly and quietly, I could feel his eyes on me but I didn't look up. I didn't wanna start a conversation with him.

When I was done I walked in my room and laid down and acted like I was asleep so Peyton wouldn't talk to me. But I must be a horrible actor cause he didn't fall for it.

"Royal again?" He asked.

No actually, Rebecca, I thought, but I wasn't gonna say that.

"You know I wanna meet her one day." He said still typing, but I didn't respond. "Can you just tell me one thing about her?" He asked, this time he stopped.

I think about her. Focusing more on her fiscal factions than her personality or the things she does or say. "She has brown eyes." I as almost in a whisper, but Peyton heard cause he didn't ask me to repeat it. "And likes purples."

"And what else?" He asks, normally I wouldn't want to talk about this, but I do.

"She tan, but looks pale. And always has this little notebook in her hands, and always giggles, always." I can't help but smile a little remembering the giggle. "She liked to run, and talks too much. And really likes strawberry cake." I stop there.

"Maybe she's sick" he said making me look at him immediately. "If she's pale. You know, maybe she's sick." He said, but I just turn around giving him my back.

Yes, she is sick, and for the first time I wonder if she's ever gonna get better. Or will cancer just consume her.

And I feel something inside me hurt.