Types of tears (COMPLETED)

chapters 39

I feel asleep on my notebook, still not getting any ideas of what to write about. I didn't think it'd be so hard. I'm use to doing report all the time. But this is different, I even wanted to ask Peyton what to put, but I was sure he wouldn't know either.

I get ready and walk out to the bus. Today I was gonna see Royal again. And I didn't really know how I felt about it, I told her I loved her yesterday and kissed her. Thinking about a future relationship is just stupid. Not because I thought she wasn't going to live long, but because right now it's just an unimportant thing to put on top of all the things we need to worry about. Plus, I said I love her, she didn't say it to me. And I don't wanna find out any details about it, it's just not important to me right now.

Kind of sad, putting your feelings aside because there bigger things that need your attention.

When I get off at school property I see Rebecca at the gate. I didn't even know what to do about that. I haven't thought about how it would be to talk to her. Before I had time to decide if I was going to talk to her, or act like I didn't see her. She looks up at me.

I froze for a second before she walked up to me, and put her hand in mine like always. Then I calm down a little.

"I missed you." She says.

It takes me a while to know what she was talking about. "Yeah, I had to check my nose."

She nods. "It looks straight, nice."

We stay quiet after that, and walk in together. I could feel the awkward tension between us, I tried so hard to ignore it until I see Ethan. He walked up to me with Jake, patting me on the back.

"I wish I had your nose now." Jake says.

I grin a little. "You just have to smash your face against the floor."

"Don't tempt me." He chuckles. "So it's official?" He asks. And I twist my eyebrows as he points between me and Rebecca.

Then I look down at are hands and at her. She had a smile on.

"I was gonna ask the same thing." Ethan says.

"Well we-" I start, not knowing what I was going say, before Mr Steve comes in and tells us to leave.

We all walk out to the bus as Jake walks away from us. Rebecca sits next to me, and her friends with her.

She looked good, even happy. But she wasn't, she wanted to hurt herself and end everything like me. I would have never known, she just looked like she had her life together. We were suffering the same way, but showing it different. But what's worse? Being depressed and showing it by not taking to anyone and being an outcast, or having to act like everything is fine when your hurting inside. Both seam terrible to me.

When the bus stops we all get off and walk inside. I pluck a little purple flower from the entrance and hold it in my hand.

I let go of Rebecca's hand as I walk between the doors and get to room 072.

I open the door and see her with her eyes closed. I sigh once I get close to her, and see she didn't open them, she was asleep. I wasn't going to wake her up, she needed the sleep. And I wasn't sure what I would say to her if she woke up. I sat down on the same stool as yesterday and just looked at her.

I probably look like a creep. But I didn't care, she looked so peaceful and sweet. Like a Disney princess before the prince came and kissed her. She had a purple bandanna and her breathing tube was foggy. Her nails as purple as always, and her cheeks with little freckles. She was beautiful.

Before I knew it Mr Steve called out are name's, and we had to leave. I put the purple flower on her lunch table and walk out, shutting the door quietly.