Types of tears (COMPLETED)

chapter 37

The past two days have been glorious, and torturous for me. On Thursday and Friday school got cancelled because bucks of water have been pouring down the sky non-stop. Mom and dad even got to say in on Friday because you couldn't see anything in the rain.

Peyton said he was going to see Joanna and tell her everything, but she lives more than 4 hours away, and he didn't really wanna drive in this weather.

I was so glad I didn't have to go to school and confront Rebecca. I didn't know what I would say or do, I can't just act like nothing happened, because something did happen. Something I can't just pass by.

And also, I wasn't sure if I was ready to see Royal. I didn't know what to tell her either. Over the days I got in her shoes and realized how stupid I looked. I basically told a girl that has been dying all her life, that I wanted to die. Maybe she was wrong to think you should only be happy, but she must hate people that don't appreciate life because that's all she ever wanted, a chance to really live.

Everyone has their own opinions about this. Whether you should love life or not. And I want to have my own too. Even if I do agree with some people, I think it's important to have your own opinions about things. And I think that life can sometimes suck, really suck. That you just don't want to keep living it, but you should. Because, why not? Your already alive, you should at least try to be happy and enjoy it. Some people really do wish they had the opportunity you have.

That's what I think is right, but how can I know it's right? Royal had right to be angry, I was and idiot to tell her that. It's like telling a person that lost everything due to a drug addiction, that you wanna do drugs, they'd go crazy. And you have to respect that reaction, not get offended because of it.

So I want to say sorry to her. And today is perfect, because it's Monday, it stopped raining and I'm not going to school. Today is my doctors appointment for my nose.

I get dressed in black clothes as always, but put on a blue shirt under my sweater, Peyton didn't seem to mind.

He actually offered to take me, but I said no, I wanted to walk, I wanted to be alone, I wanted to decide how I was going to apologize, and I couldn't do that with him right next to me, or waiting outside for me.

I spent so much time in my head that I didn't even realize I was in the hospital until I heard Beatrice voice.

"Your late, your class already left." She says.

I shyly smile, wondering if she knew what happened between Royal and me. "Yeah I know."

"Came to see Royal."

I did, but first I was going to see my nose. "No, I have an appointment."

She looks down at her computer confused, then looks up at my nose. "Oh, coming to see your nose."

I nod, and she tells me to walk over to the waiting room, I was about to tell her that I would just wait with Royal, but I stop myself. I still have no idea what I'm going to tell her.

I sit next to a kid that was asleep on the arm wrestler, and played ever possible conversation in my head, and they all ended bad. I didn't even get to imagine a good one before I was called.

I expected Rose to see me, but a guy named Alexander with curly hair called me into a room. He did a couple xray and took of the metal thing. But I had to wait in that room until the results came. I wanted to ask him about Royal, but I bit my tongue to shut up.

I don't even know how long I was in the room. So much time past, and there was no clock around the place. I think I dozed off, because the next thing I remember is the doctor coming in and waking me up.