Strength |✔️

fourteen

Alisha

A couple of days have passed by, and I have not taken my pills since then. As the sunlight seeps in my dorm room, I hiss and pull the covers above my head. I feel like shit right now, or more like I've been feeling like it for the past few days. Ever since I rejected Neil, I feel like such a bitch. He was so sweet and confessed to me, and I ruined my only opportunity for being happy ever again.

I really want to apologize to him, but what if he hates me? Obviously he does; he kissed you and you pulled back. I groan and pull the covers off of me, letting the sunlight burn me alive. But then it gets too painful so I pull the covers over my head and cry silently.

Why do I even push people away? Is it because of my logic, that whenever I get too close to someone I lose them? Ugh, I wish I never believed in that saying. All I want to do right now is kiss Neil all over again and tell him that I like him back too and I want to date him. That I am sorry for ever rejecting him because I am confused myself on what to do and on what to say, and I am very sorry. I take a deep breath and sob even more, curling into a ball.

The door opens and I hear someone gasp. I know it's Faith. She sits on my bed and rips the covers above me, revealing me, huddled and crying. I look at her and start bawling even more.

"Oh my goodness gracious, Alisha!" She hugs me tight. Faith smells like cigarettes and alcohol, but I have gotten used to it by now. I sob into her shoulders.

She releases and when she sees my face, her mouth gapes open. "Alisha, no offense, but you look like you've been crying for a long time."

"That's because I have," I croak out.

"Jeez," she says. "Is it because of guys?"

I shrug and grab a tissue from my nightstand. "I don't even know, honestly." I blow my nose.

"Okay," she says, slowly nodding her head. "I'm going to be here with you for the next two hours and we're going to watch Riverdale and eat Ben & Jerry's and you're going to rant to me and cry as much as you want and then we're going to get fat and watch even more Riverdale, 'cause that show hella good." She smiles.

I shrug and pull myself up, grabbing a blanket and wrapping it around myself. "Sounds like a plan to me."

She plops on my bed and I lay on my stomach, looking at the TV across from us, and she turns on Netflix.

As Riverdale starts to play (which I binged-watched five hundred times by now. It's so good!), Faith says, "Spill. Tell me whatever you have to say and MAKE SURE you get details," she emphasizes.

I sigh and turn around towards her. I tell her everything. The kiss, the PTSD issues, how i'm not taking my pills, how I have feelings for Neil and he likes me back, but I rejected him and I feel bad, and how I met my Dad in the middle of the night and how Neil defended, and basically every little thing that's bothering me.

I finish and take a deep breath. "So, yeah. That's my life." I tighten the blanket around me.

Faith squints her eyes and stares at the wall beside the TV, as if thinking about what to say. "Okay, well first of all, you don't have to overthink things," She says. "And wait, I am going to ask things one by one, so please clarify that for me." I nod my head in agreement.

"So, the kiss?" She says, smirking. "I need details, Alisha!"

"Okay, I will!" I say, blushing and stuff my face into the blanket. She laughs. "It was good. Like, it felt good, you know? And I have never kissed anyone before, so it felt like a new feeling. But, I don't know, I thought of things during the kiss, like how I shouldn't get too close with him because I might lose him, and-"