Love Notes| ✓

03 | Dear High School Crush

Dear Love,

You were my worst crush ever and I wish I hadn't fell for you.

I don't even know why I started to fall for you. I must've felt pity toward you. It could've been the attention I was getting from you. But I didn't give you any attention. I remember that I haven't moved on from my middle school crush and my expectations were pretty high. Weeks had passed and I still haven't gotten any form of romantic feelings toward you.

My first impression of you was 'he seems like a nice guy', but I wish you didn't open your mouth. Seriously! The amount of nonsense that comes out of your mouth is unbelievable.
I started to help you. Try to guide you. I don't know why. I had a nice and kind nature, which explains why I decided to help you. I wanna say I had a favorite moment. I'm sure we did.
Sadly, I cannot remember. I wanted to forget because it's sure an embarrassing crush. I don't wanna say you are embarrassing, don't get confused. I'm sure you are deep down such a nice guy....really deep down there. Maybe.. I don't know.

You seemed like an insecure person no matter how much you try to mask your feeling with a facade, I can see through it. Maybe I wanted you to be honest with yourself and to your feelings. It could be the reason why I pitied you.

Whatever my true feelings for you was, it was stupid and useless and my worst regret ever. I've done a lot of things in my life...a lot. I'm sure everyone did. A lot of these mistakes, we regret them very much. You were a mistake. I wasn't supposed to have such feelings to you but I did.

I remember I cried myself often because I thought you didn't like me. Did you? I tore myself for you. Wait, no! You tore me up like the papers that students tear up by the end of the year because they didn't want it or will not use it anymore. I didn't wanted to be used. I wanted to be loved for whom I was. Everyone deserves to be loved for whom they are.

Lover, I want you to be loved for whom you're really are. I remember that I cried myself to my mother confessing that I liked you. Gosh, I wish my mom slapped some sense into me. After I look back to this memory, I cannot believed I cried over a boy. Yes! A boy because I never saw you as a man. I highly doubt I will see you as a man ever! After all these years that had passed, I most probably won't.I hope this hurts you like how much you hurt me because you deserve it. But I want to remove this hatred from my heart and forget you.

because of my still existed kind nature, I hope you find happiness. Most importantly, a girl that loves you so much and I want you to love her so much that it hurts you as you lay awake in you bed thanking god because he gave you such a wonderful woman. I want you to treat her right and cherish her very much. Try not to fight often, I understand couples fight but try not to.

My lover, I hope you aren't hurt by my harsh words but because you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth you deserve these words. Gosh, I wanna inform you, if you are still single you will have problems trying to settle down. You're the type to jump around, and women notice that pretty quickly. What can I say? We know everything!

So, once you reach the point that you found the one, fight for her, chase after her, no matter how many times she said no. Don't harass her though. Because, if you ever had feelings for me and chased me a little longer, maybe....just maybe I would've let you in. Love was a game to you, but I wasn't going to let myself become one of your toys.

I'm a human with feelings and dignity that I treasure very much. I won't be labeled as one of your past toys. I hope after you decide to become a man, I suggest that you leave your little game days behind it won't lead you anywhere but a depressing life.
My dear lover, please be honest with yourself. Your future self will thank you. Trust me.