Love Notes| ✓

04 | Dear University Crush

Dear Lover,

                   Gosh, I remember when I first got into university. I was so scared and nervous because it's my first day with a bunch of strangers. I hated socializing, no, it's not that I hated it, I wasn't a big fan of it.
I remember wearing a yellow sweater and dark jeans. I was standing with my backpack on my bag. I probably looked like a high school-er. I think it's always easy to find the freshmen in universities. They're at the point where they still didn't leave their high school days behind neither did they technically accept the fact that they will suffer for another few years in another prison aka university.
But, you made it bearable for me. I think I made it bearable for you too. I don't know. I remember the first time we met.

You were a year older than me. I remembered you approached me. I remember how you looked. You looked very tall, you wore dark jeans and a flannel shirt. It was a red color. My now favorite color. Your skin shined under the soft rays of the sun. You immediately got into a conversation with me. I was shaking and sweating at the same time. It was super crazy. I thought you would never want to talk to me again.
You told me that you would be my "uni-buddy". You said it was a program that was design so the freshmen won't have problems getting around the campus or feel lonely.
You said that you would help me get around and make sure that I felt at home, since I was miles from home. I did feel like at I was home the night you hugged me under the rain. The night I cried my heart out when I wasn't sure if I chose the right major. You were there. For the first time I felt the closure of what I need the most. For something I look and yearned for so long, finally at the tip of my fingers.

But the universe is full of surprises and our time was running up. I was on my third year of university and you were almost done. I remember I told you I wanted to look for a scholarship so I can continue and complete my masters. You said it was too early to think about that.

I remember after you graduated, my university days were darker and gloomy. You visited me a lot, which is something to this day I'm very grateful for. You would make some dinner and bring them. You would talk about the new people that you've met. Months passed and we don't talk like we used to. You didn't seem like you cared and I seemed like I was in my own bubble. That's what you said to me the last time we spoke. You also said that I need to stop doing that. You later started insulting me and I knew that after all those years, I meant nothing to you.

Someone once told me that success is your revenge and my best revenge is when I actually got the scholarship that I told you about. ugh! You used to look down upon me, as if I was the dirt under your shoe.

Months had passes and I was the only thing on your mind, you saw me in every one. You were such a coward to come and face me with the truth of how much I missed you that you sent your friends. Lame.

I cannot lie though, our lie was the best one that I've ever lived because you taught me lessons about love that I would've never imagined to know. But I still ask myself, was I a waste of your time? Because it never seemed so but your never really showed your emotions. And I guess you've paid for it because you lost me. But I found myself