Agent Orange - Inconsequential

Episode 8 - DORK Continued (again)...

FROM THE JOURNALS OF AGENT ORANGE:

The question of the day is: If a geek quotes Star Wars in his bedroom and no one is around to hear it, does it make him smarter than anyone else? He knows something other people don’t. Does the fact that 90% of the people in the world don’t care about this information make him less smart? Quantum physicists spend their lives studying phenomena that the average person has little hope of understanding but which are constantly active, if not visibly, in the world. Physicists possess a body of knowledge which allows them to predict outcomes of certain events and also to make educated guesses at things that have transpired in the past. Their knowledge helps them understand how the universe works. Again, not a lot of people are interested in the details, but most people would definitely say a physicist is smarter than your average Joe-dropped-out-of-college.

On the other side of the “is more better” knowledge equation we have the masters of minutiae. Those who memorize details that apply only to a very focused body of knowledge. For example: does knowing the name of the Star Destroyer that captured Princess Leia in the opening scene of Star Wars really make you smarter than the guy asking if you would like hot or mild sauce with your order? I admit it seems to have limited use as a factoid but what if you knew the answers to 100 such factoids or 1000? What if you could not only answer every question about Star Wars but also every question about Star Trek or Lord of the Rings or comic books or Strawberry Shortcake?

You could say you have bragging rights, you’re probably looked up to by many of your friends with similar interests and if you hang out in the right places it might even get you laid. But are you really smarter if you know the average selling price of the Original Dungeons and Dragons woodgrain boxed set in near mint condition ($4336)? It seems that if you are a fount of knowledge, however trivial, at some point your knowledge does become useful as a reference to others and therefore might hold value. Really though, a dictionary is a reference and we wouldn’t consider it intelligent, only a tool.

By the way, for those of you still fixated on that Star Wars question, I’ll save you the keystrokes. The name of the ship was the Devastator.

CHAPTER 7

Alan: Okay what’s your weapon speed factor?

Mike: Where’s that at?

Brandon: It’s on your sheet, in the weapons section.

Mike: Okay it’s 10.

Orange: Ouch.

Mike: What do you mean?

Alan: He means that the thug is going to be able to attack you twice before you can attack him again.

Mike: That’s bullshit.

Alan: You had to be the badass with the two-handed sword.

Mike: Whatever.  I got a sixteen did I hit him.

Alan: That depends. What’s your armor class adjustment against AC six?

Mike: Are you kidding me? Every weapon has an adjustment depending on the armor the opponent is wearing?

Brandon: It’s on your sheet.

Orange: It’s plus three.

Mike: How did you know that?

Orange: I have them memorized.

Mike: For all the weapons?

Orange: There are only forty four, though I keep mixing up the numbers of the horseman’s mace and the horseman’s flail.

Brandon: That’s okay none of us have mounts.

Mike: Okay so after doing more math than I had to do in the entire 8th grade, did I hit.