Agent Orange - Inconsequential

Episode 11 - D'OCD continued...

D’OCD Part 3

They sat at the kitchen table drinking cream soda. It was only big enough for two but it was in a separate room away from the books. Orange examined the encyclopedia while they talked.

“This is a nice place, the Department must pay well.”

“Yes,” said Orange, acting even more distracted than he normally was. He didn’t like talking about his job. He had actually signed a contract that said he wouldn’t, but over time Mike had learned that Orange was an information gather for the government.

Mike stared into an essentially empty bag of pretzels trying to decide if there was anything worth reaching for. He gave up, crumpled the bag and shoved it into the nearby trash.

“You’re out of pretzels,” he said lamely. He seemed uncomfortable. It was out of character for him. Mike had always been an alpha; loud, physically intimidating, and full of bluster. He hated losing and often won arguments by talking the loudest. When that didn’t work he would practice wrestling maneuvers on his, usually smaller and less aggressive, opponents.

“If you wanted pretzels and beer you could have gone to the 25 Hour,” said Orange. The 25 Hour Party Store was a convenience store where Orange had run into Mike three months ago. He hadn’t been aware that Mike lived in New York so it seemed a semi-serendipitous event.

“Beer and pretzels isn’t something you do alone Orange.”

“That must be why I don’t have any beer,” said Orange. He was examining the spine of the encyclopedia. It seemed to be cracked right around the area of the Jeroboam article. He closed the book, set it on the table and “randomly” opened it. It opened to a couple pages before the article but didn’t settle entirely. He flipped pages until it sat flat and there it was.

“Did you know that shrews eat 80–90% of their own body weight every day?” Mike asked.

“They must poop a lot,” said Orange, “or is it their metabolism?” He didn’t wait for an answer. Instead he handed Mike the encyclopedia. “What do you make of this?” He pointed to the Jeroboam article, specifically the strange passage. Mike paused, as if he were going to protest but then changed his mind.

“Is it Lovecraft or Smith?” He asked a minute later.

“It’s Chisholm,” said Orange.

“Haven’t heard of him.”

“That’s because it’s an encyclopedia and that’s supposed to be a real entry.”

“That’s creepy shit. I might have to become religious if I knew that kind of shit was in the Bible.”

Orange seemed to realize that Mike wasn’t going to be any help on this.

“I’ve got a sleeping bag. You can sleep at the foot of my bed.” He pushed his chair back and stood up.

“Don’t worry I won’t pee on your carpet or lick your toes or anything,” said Mike.

‘It’s scotchguarded and I sleep with socks on,” said Orange, obviously not getting it.

They lie in the dark, still talking.

“You can take a shower in the morning,” said Orange, “there are extra razors in the bottom drawer if you want to shave.”

“What are you trying to say?” asked Mike, mock offended.

“Only that people who shower regularly tend to have more friends and that if you had more friends the probability of me being woken up at 3:30 in the morning would be reduced significantly. By the way I meant to ask you about that Zorro mask?”