Agent Orange - Inconsequential

Episode 15 - DOIT

FROM THE JOURNALS OF AGENT ORANGE:

Doit

n. - A small Dutch coin; also, a similar small coin once used in Scotland; a small piece of money.

n. - A thing of small value; as, I care not a doit.

I’m not sure if the person who named the DOIT (Division of Invaluable Teammates) understood the level irony attached to the name. He may not have even known it was a word. The most plausible theory is that, in a fit of organizational ecstasy, he expected it to be pronounced as “do it” instead of “doyt”. If this was indeed the creator’s intention he may have decided that it was so close to Nike’s “just do it” that it couldn’t fail to motivate people. You could call it ‘corporate cheerleading’ if you consider the government a corporation and its citizens conscripted shareholders.

As a division, it spans over all departments. It’s basically a formal network of agents who have volunteered to offer advice and service to other agents. It’s a nice idea and I have used it with moderate success in the past. Today’s question is: “Should I use the DOIT to find out more about the astral projectors or Steven Vang or EntityCorp?”

In the world of ‘espionage’ it’s often an advantage to ‘hold your cards close’. You never know if the target of your investigation is something ‘off limits’ and sometimes if you push too hard you can put your career in danger.  I had already spoken with Kathleen, whom I trusted, and Shawn Cartwright, whom I almost trusted. Isn’t there a saying about three people not being able to keep a secret or maybe it’s two? 

The phone is ringing. Maybe I won’t need to ‘DO IT” or maybe my secret is already out.

CHAPTER 11

“Hello?”

“Orange, you’re not going to believe this.”

It was Kent from the bookstore. He sounded excited.

“If it’s coming from you I probably shouldn’t.”

Kent didn’t take time to laugh, which meant it really might be something unbelievable.

“A woman just came in the store this morning looking to unload a set of the Encyclopaedia Britannica. Guess what edition?”

“Twelfth,” said Orange, trying to catch Kent in the middle of what had to be a prank.

“Right… uh, wait… you said you needed the eleventh edition.” He was confused, worried he had made a mistake.

“Yes I did,” said Orange.

There was a pause. “You suck. We’ve got it in the store right now. I’ve got volume fifteen in my hands, right now.”

“Seems rather suspicious, don’t you think?” asked Orange.

“Hey man, just go with it. Don’t look a gift horse in the eye is what I always say when shit like this happens.”

“Even if the horse is wooden and on wheels?”

“All I’m saying is that we have what you wanted and it’s been less than twenty four hours.” It would have been obvious to anyone but Orange that he was waiting for praise.

“What did she look like?”

“Who?” asked Kent, sounding disappointed.

“The woman who brought the encyclopedias in.”

“Oh, she was oriental.”

“Like a rug?”

He didn’t get it.