The Foreigner & The Pessimist (malexmale)

16. Zuuro

Slowly, I bring my fingers up to my lips and touch them, still in a state of shock as they tingle with the aftermath of having Lane's pressed against them. I can't believe he did that. I must be dreaming. This can't be real. This can't actually be happening, can it? But it is. Deep down I know it is. Because a dream could never feel this real.

I take a breath. I'm terrified to look at him now. Terrified of what I'll see. What if he regrets it? He isn't supposed to, but we've been wrong about humans before. What if he didn't feel anything? Maybe that's why we're supposed to wait so long? Maybe we have to wait for them to feel as deeply as we do before letting anything happen, or they won't feel anything, and it'll all be ruined!

"Zuuro?"

Lane's voice pulls me from my momentary panic, and finally, I look at him again. His dark eyes mirror the anxiety in my own. He...he doesn't look like he regrets it. Then again, I can't exactly tell if he enjoyed it either. "You kissed me..." I say, trying to get a response to gage his current feelings from.

Lane nods, slowly. "I did..." He says, not giving me much. But his hand is on my arm, still using it for balance as he stands on the edge of his bedframe, and he hasn't pulled away, so that has to be something. Right?

"Was it...okay?" I ask hesitantly; bracing myself just in case his answer isn't quite what I'd hoped.

His lips curve up into a slight little smile as his cheeks paint red. "Yeah, it was very okay." He says, almost like he finds my question funny.

I relax a little, and he does as well. I'm not sure what he felt exactly, but at least he didn't hate it, so that's a start.

"Were you afraid it was going to be bad?"

I grip my lower lip between my teeth. "Not for me..."

"What, you've never kissed anyone before?" he asks, his tone teasing like he's expecting me to say that I have.

I look away from him, suddenly embarrassed. "No..." I say, surprising myself at how quiet my voice has become. That's never something I've been embarrassed about before now, because I'm not supposed to be kissing anyone else. It would have been meaningless to me. But...it's pretty clear that Lane has, and...I don't know how I feel about that yet. It's something I'll have to process on my own.

He goes silent for a moment and then I hear his free hand slap over his mouth in shock. "Oh shit...you've never kissed anyone, and I just...I just completely stole your first kiss." He says, sounding mortified. "Zuuro, I'm so sorry. If I'd known, I would –"

"Stop." I tell him, cutting him off before he has a chance to panic more. I gently pull his hand away from his mouth, but that's the most I touch him for now. "Don't be sorry, you didn't steal anything. I'm glad it was you."

Please don't regret it. My first kiss was always meant to be yours, silly.

His eyes scan my face for any sign that I might just be lying to make him feel better. "You're sure?" he asks finally, and I nod as a little smile spreads over my face.

"I'm sure, and...I'd actually really like to do it again, if that's okay?" I say.

It feels so odd asking him to kiss me. Especially when I thought it would take us months, or even possibly years, to get to this point. But Lane is flighty, and I think it's best to let him lead for now. I don't want to risk scaring him off.

Lane chuckles as he gives a shake of his head. He's relaxed again. "I'm beginning to think that you and I studying together is a really bad idea." He says, as he leans in to kiss me again.