The Foreigner & The Pessimist (malexmale)

8. Zuuro

I think I messed up. I think I messed up really bad. I didn't mean to, but I think I did anyway.

It was that girl from the store. Becky. Becky and our exchange by the dressing room. Everything was good before that. Lane and I were having a good time. But now...now I'm not so sure.

He's beginning to calm down now – slowly – but I don't dare move for fear that I'll set him off again, so I just keep sitting with him and rubbing my hand in little circles over his back; listening to his gradually slowing breaths.

Touching him was risky, but it just felt like the right thing to do. Like that's what he needed from me in that moment.

I feel like this isn't enough though. Like I need to do more. Like I need to explain, because...because he misread the situation back there. And that's not all his fault. I could see how much it was bugging him, and it was the first time I'd ever seen him express anything even close to an interest in me, so I admit that I played it up a little.

"She recognized my jacket." I start "She has a little brother who wants to apply to Unity High next year, but heard it was hard to get in and that there were a lot of hoops to jump through, so he was a little stressed. I told her I'd just gone through it all, so I'd be glad to talk to him about it if he wanted a student's prospective. That's why I gave her my number." I tell him. She also apologized for staring at me and my boyfriend when we came in, but I leave that bit out. Lane isn't ready for that yet.

Lane nods. I can still feel his panic, but he's calmer now than he was a few moments ago, so it's progress.

"I just thought you should know." I tell him, unsure of whether or not I should still be touching him. He hasn't asked me to stop yet though, so I just keep doing it.

He nods again, sitting up, and that's all I get. I try not to let it bother me too much though. Back at the gym he said I should just ignore his weird moments, so maybe this is one of them? Maybe this is him sorting himself out. And once again it's my fault.

"I'm sorry." I say. I feel like apologizing is all either of us have been doing since we met, but perhaps making mistakes is just part of getting to know someone. Or maybe I'm just rushing things too much.

Finally, he looks at me; a little v forming between his brows. "Why're you sorry? It's me who should be sorry. I was...I'm acting stupid." He says, sounding annoyed. And on the outside, he definitely appears to be just that. His whole posture and demeanor suddenly screams angry, but as someone who can feel his emotions I know better.

He's not mad, he's still freaking out, and for some reason, that's coming off as anger.

Which is...a bit confusing, because the more I think about it, the less it makes sense. I could understand if he was angry with me -which is what I initially thought – but he's not. He seems scared. And I don't get that. Why should he feel scared?

"Let's just go. We have other stores to see." He says, not allowing me to dwell on that another moment longer, as he gets to his feet and walks off, abruptly severing our connection.

I get up and quickly follow after him; my hand still tingling with the aftershocks of having touched him. "It's okay, we're not in any rush." I assure him. At least, I'm not. I'm just happy to be out here with him instead of back in my dorm alone. "And you're not being stupid, by the way."

Lane shakes his head as he stuffs his hands into his pockets and directs his gaze at the ground. "Yes, I was. You can give your number to whoever you want. You shouldn't have had to explain or justify anything to me. It's none of my business."