The Nearest Heaven ✔️

Part 19 - Family Always

Part 19 – Family Always

Faraaz watched Fadiyah. After a long time, she had fallen asleep. He could tell that it was not a peaceful sleep. She kept turning and twisting her body in the painfully, limited space that she was given, considering that both he and Aaban were on the bed as well. Aaban was still taking up most of the space on the bed, and had Faraaz had any feeling in his body, he knew that he would not be able to handle all of Aaban's overexcited reactions to the movie. Faraaz wished that he could call Jacob or Waqqaar to carry Aaban to his bed in the other room, but he worried that it would wake Fadiyah up, and waking her up was the last thing that he wanted to do.

Impatiently, he waited until it was time for Waqqaar to help him with his toiletries and shower. It was always the most humiliating time for Faraaz. To be a young man, in the prime of his life, but to be entirely dependent on someone else to assist him in his day to day living. He was a young man wearing a diaper because he had no control over his body functions. He was reduced to wearing diapers so that he could maintain some semblance of his dignity. He was a married man who wore diapers. With a wife who was years younger than he was, a wife who deserved the world on the platter, a wife who had so much to see and do, but she was caged up in a house with a man who had very little dignity left.

He had no idea what Fadiyah saw in him, or why she stayed, or anything, especially because he was entirely reliant on another male to help him live. He was alive because of Jacob and Waqqaar who made sure that he could not overdose on the medication that he had. Prior to having Fadiyah in his life, he contemplated numerous the different ways that he could end his life. The pain was unbearable. His life seemed meaningless and he felt isolated. Everyone who was in his life before he had the accident just simply vanished when he no longer could splurge on their luxurious lifestyles.

Until he met Aaban at the hospital. It was happenstance, their meeting. Aaban had literally changed Faraaz's life. Faraaz watched as he was rolled past him, drips attached to him, multiple IVs coming out of his body, all the tubes in and out of his little body made Faraaz's eyes water. Yet, Aaban's cheerful nature kicked him. As pallid as Aaban looked, he still cracked a joke with the nurses surrounding his little bed.

Faraaz was astounded. How could this child look so terrible, but still have so much of life left in him? It shamed Faraaz. But it did not beat how degraded he felt each day as he had to have Waqqaar or Jacob help him to shower. It felt utterly embarrassing having another man wash his body. Or help him was his hair. Or help him shave. Or help him to dress, or undress. It was mortifying for Faraaz.

"Faraaz?" Waqqaar knocked on the door and opened it a crack without poking his head into the room. "Can I come inside?"

Faraaz looked at Fadiyah to ensure that she still had a scarf on, and thankfully, she did. "Yes," he breathed heavily. "But Fadiyah is asleep, so be as silent as possible."

Waqqaar nodded, even though Faraaz could not see him. "Alright," he whispered as he opened the door wide enough for him to pass through with all the medication and equipment he needed for Faraaz. As soon as he entered, he got to work. He rolled the wheel chair closer to the bed, put the medication on the floor and bent down to sift through the medication. "So," he began conversationally. "How are you feeling today?"

In reply, Faraaz let out a gut-deep sigh. "I feel like I want to die. I wish I could die."

Waqqaar noticed that Faraz avoided his gaze, and he respected that as he kept his eyes trained on the box of medication in front of him. "Why do you feel that way so suddenly?"

"Suddenly?" Faraaz barked. "No, Waqqaar," his tone had taken an edge of hysteria. "One thing I can tell you is that this is not 'suddenly'. It has been building a long time."