Unloved [DISCONTINUED]

Chapter Nine

As I layed in my hard creaky bed, all I could think about were the things that were wrong in my life.

●My dad hates my guts.

●My mom "abandoned " me.

●My siblings despise me.

●The only guy I've ever felt a connection with probably hates me.

●Everyone at my school thinks I'm a freak

Ha!  The list could go on and on. I heard moaning coming from Emily's room. She's so fucking disgusting.  Although as I was laying in bed, I realized something--I hadn't been cutting!  I was so proud of myself, but the pride soon faded as unanswered questions began bouncing around in my head.

Why would my mother abandon me? Didn't she love me? Why am I the only one that looks like her? Why does everyone hate me so much? Why is my life so fucked up?

As I was about to give up and try to go to sleep, my phone vibrated.

"Chris finally texted me back!", I thought to myself.

To my disappointment,it wasn't Chris.  It was some random person that had the wrong number. 

"Why won't he text me! What the hell is up with him!?", I screamed aloud.

I didn't realize I was so loud until I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. The stomps sounded heavy. Oh gosh!  Dad's work boots sounded like that.

"Why the fuck are you so dammed loud?", my dad sneered, gazing at me. "S-sorry,  I'll try to keep it down,  dad." "Don't call me dad, worthless piece of shit."

I just didn't understand!  All the harsh words towards me? The beatings? They seemed to just pop up out of nowhere over meaningless things.

Well, maybe I don't need to know. I got under my covers and attempted to rest. I couldn't. 

I stayed up just staring into pure darkness. I looked over at my razor. It gleamed so beautifully in the darkness. As I looked at it, shining ever so lovely,  I thought about a conversation I had with my Aunt, who I lost to suicide.  I remember her exact words to me.

"No piece of metal is worth your self-worth. You are more than that. Look at me.", she said rolling up her sleeves exposing her scarred arms. " A knife did this to me --no.  I did this to myself. You can't let anything make you feel powerless, beauty. ", I quoted in my head.

She was right. I had gone this long without my razor. I felt like I could stop--forever.  I rolled over and finally started drifting off.

"Thanks Aunt Raye. I still love you; even though you left me a little too soon. " ,I whispered.