There has to be an After for Us ~ (shadam / klance)

Chapter 36 - The Roots of Hatred

"Runaway husband," called out Lance. "Hunk, tackle him!"

"On it!" Shiro heard Hunk reply.

Shiro threw an arm back to signal to Hunk to let him be as he approached the couple.

He stopped a few paces from them, his instinct to be respectful kicking in. "Okaasan. Otousan."

"Taka-kun...," replied his mother. When Shiro saw the creases around her eyes and the deep sorrow contained within, he felt his heart breaking. A thousand tiny cuts reopening as he remembered every painful disappointed look and the idea of what his parents could have been to him if his sexuality hadn't let them down.

"I'm sorry," said Shiro, because apologizing to them was his routine. "I'm sorry I'm not the son you wished for."

"Do not speak that way, Taka-kun," said his father.

"We owe you an apology," said his mother. "When you get to the After, all the hate you held in life melts away, but what remains is the knowledge of how your hate affected others. I'm so ashamed we directed our hate towards you." Shiro's mother began to cry.

"We were wrong," said his father. "We were taught wrong. It would be diminutive to call you a lesson we failed to learn. What you were was a gift. A gift that could've turned our hate to love and we ignored and pushed away our only child in favour of holding on to hate."

"I... wanted you to accept me," said Shiro.

"There was nothing about you that needed to be accepted," cried his mother, the intensity of her emotion surprising Shiro. "We were the flawed ones. Please, Taka-kun, can you ever forgive us?"

The tears stung Shiro's eyes. He swallowed back on the lump in his throat. He'd imagined many times his parents reinitiating contact with him, but never so far as asking for forgiveness. Even in Shiro's wildest dreams he never pictured this and maybe there was some piece of him that still blamed himself for disappointing them. The After may have melted away his parents' hate, but Shiro wasn't dead and there was still a tiny shred inside him that he reserved for hating himself.

Shiro didn't answer, he was crying (being gay makes him weepy, remember?) How do you find forgiveness for the ones who in your childhood handed you the tools to your self-hatred? Who took away your chance of ever feeling comfortable in your own skin no matter how much time passed? No matter how much self-love you practiced. No matter how much you surrounded yourself with those who give their love unconditionally... If your parents plant that seed of hatred in you early enough, even if you chop down the tree when you grow old enough to question why you need it, the roots can stay and rot within you...

Shiro had one hand on the handle of his luggage and one hand firmly holding Adam's. Both were sweaty. They were late for the pick up time and most of the parents' vehicles were loaded and driving off. Shiro had had a panic attack in their room and it had taken Adam a long time to calm him down. Shiro looked around, trying to spot his parents car.

"Taka-kun!" he heard his mother's voice before he spotted her and his dad, standing beside their family car.

Shiro likely squeezed a bit too hard as he pulled Adam towards them. They weaved around the last car, Shiro coming into full view first.

"We're already late, Taka-kun. We'll hit traffic if we don't hurry. Give your bag to your father and he'll..." His mother trailed off. Shiro had come to stand before her with Adam. Her eye line was at on their clasped hands. Shiro watched the look of confusion wash across her face before it moved through horror and then settled on something akin to disgust as if she were deeply offended. His dad was staring too.