Life After Death {t.c} [2]

1 // Living In A Nightmare

(Play Goodbye by Miley Cyrus)

I trudge down the hall to the living room, joining Nash, muttering a 'hey' as I sit next to him. Since it happened Nash has been the one keeping me grounded through it all. He's like my brother and, I'm not going to lie, he has talked me out of or physically stopped me from harming myself numerous times. Out of everyone in the house, I'd say I'm the worst. I'm snappy, depressed, and all around not at all who I was a year ago.

"Are you okay?" Nash asks softly from beside me.

I sigh then look up at him, "You've been asking me that same question for the past eleven months and I give you the same answer each time. Why do you keep asking?"

"Because one day it'll change. I'm just waiting for that day to come."

This is why Nash is my brotherly figure. Don't get me wrong, everyone else worries about me just as much as Nash does but it's just something about him that makes him that figure in my life.

Harleigh's taken second place on the list of depression overloads. Like Nash to me, Taylor was that brotherly figure in her life and she lost him. She says it feels as if she lost an actual brother, like there's a part of her chest that's been ripped out and burned.

That's exactly how I feel, only it's not my chest, it's my heart and it not just a part of it, it's the whole thing.

"It might not, Nash." I sigh as I get up and walk into the kitchen.

I look at the bar and instantly a flashback hits me.

*flashback*

"I smell food!" Cam runs into the kitchen.

"None for you."

"You two are devious."

"No, we're hungry." Taylor corrects.

Cam glares at him before returning to his spot on the couch.

I chuckle as I grab my food out of the paper bag and take a seat at the bar to eat.

Taylor plops down on the seat next to me with his food. He reaches for one of my nuggets but I slap his hand.

"Ouch!"

"Don't touch my food." I say with the straightest face.

He laughs at my reaction.

"I'm serious." I turn back to my beloved food.

He laughs again and starts eating.

*end of flashback*

I miss that. Laughing with him without a care in the world. Everything was so simple then, it makes this seem so difficult.

I miss him more than anything in the world. And I'd give anything to hear his voice one more time or to even see him smile. I've lost the love of my life and I'm never getting him back.

"I love you, Taylor." I whisper.

My phone suddenly vibrates on the counter. I look at the screen seeing that I have a notification from Twitter.

'@taylorsangel: miss you and Taylor. #Maylor #MaylorThrowback @MadisonMcBride @taylorcaniff pic.twitter.com/Dnsj6HvA7pO'

The picture was of Taylor, the fan and I at Playlist Live in Orlando. It seems like Allie being a problem for me was just the tip of the iceberg. I'd much rather deal with her being with the love of my life than have the love of my life dead.

"I'm going on the beach." I say to Nash before quickly rushing out of the house.

I walk out onto the cold sand, it being cold since it rained recently. It's about mid-August right now which means in one week it'll officially make one year with out Taylor.

"Taylor," I whisper. "I- uh, I don't know if you're listening or not but," I take a deep breath to prevent the tears that are threatening to come out. "I miss you. I miss you so much. I would do anything to have you here with me, holding me tight and never letting me go. I love you, Taylor." My crying is cut off by my phone ringing in my back pocket.

I pull it out and see that my manager is calling me. Yes, I still make music but I don't write it anymore because every time I try to write it, it ends up being about Taylor. Right now I'm working on my album and I'm supposed to be doing a show with Shawn soon. We also agreed to make an entire album together so I'm happy about that.

"Hello?" My voice cracks.

"Madison, dear, are you crying?" Isabelle's voice rings through my ears.

"Uh, it's nothing. What did you need?"

"Right, we need you to come out to San Diego next Tuesday. After you arrive, you can have the rest of Tuesday off then on Wednesday we'll start recording. You'll be staying until Saturday." Today is Wednesday.

"Okay. See you Wednesday." With that I hang up the phone.

Nash and Cam still do AwesomnessTV but I dropped it. Filming there reminded me too much of when I left Indiana, leaving Taylor, to start doing Awesomeness.

"Hey." I turn around to see Cameron walking toward me.

I run to him and wrap my arms around his neck, his going around my waist. Cam has been at meet and greets for the past two weeks so I'm happy to see him.

"Had fun?" I ask him after we pull away.

"Yeah. But I still miss when it was all of us traveling together." I turn my gaze away from the water and look at Cam. "Me, you, Taylor, Nash, Hayes, just... everyone from Magcon." He looks down.

"We all do, Cam." I try not to let the tears fall from my eyes. I've cried so much in the past year, I'm surprised I still have tears to shed. Cam wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me into him. I lean my head on his shoulder. Cams always been another brother figure to me. He's like my older brother and Nash and Hayes are my younger brothers. I'm happy I have them.

Without Taylor, everything seems unreal. So dull. I have this overwhelming fear that something terrible will come out of nowhere again. I always want to scream. It's like- like this is a dream. No, it's like a nightmare.

I'm living in a nightmare.

A/N

First chapter! Sweg✌️ Stick around and you won't hate me anymore!

Hopefully..

-xoxo