I'm almost 5 mouths of my pregance but I haven't felt it kick the past couple days and I'm panicking I've got an appointment at the hospital today I'm on my way now I walk in and straight away I've been taken into a room by Lydia
I've got on the bed lifted my shirt up and she puts gel on and then the wand on top
Lydia : I can't hear anything I'll go get a doctor to have a look
Tegan : I can't lose this baby
Lydia : I'm gonna get a doctor and he will have a proper look and the wand it might be having a funny kinda day
She walks out
What if I do lose this baby I would of lost every thing and I mean every thing
They then come back in and puts new battery in the wand and rolls it around my stomach and u still can't hear anything
Doctor : I'm so sorry for your loss miss boyland u lost your baby
Tegan : what dose that mean now
Doctor ; u will still have to give birth to the baby as u are to long into the pregance so we will get u ready for it tomrrow morning so u have to stay in over night
Tegan : ok
Doctor : we're take u to your room in a minute so stay here and take as much time as u need
Tegan : thank u
I've lost it I've lost my little baby and I have no one nothing and I still have to give birth to a baby I'm not gonna see after tomrrow
I grab my phone from my pocket and I know this is gonna be a mistake but I go on Twitter
Teganboyland
Today was hard I just found out I lost my little baby that has been growing in me the past couple mouths but tomrrow I'm going to give birth to it and not have a little one in me or be by my side and this is the hardest thing to do is to say goodbye so I am taking time off all media for a bit to recover
And post and that's when the floods of tears come out I can't stop this was gonna be my fresh start a new life
I then start getting loads of notifications from Twitter and everything else of the baby and then Tristan calls decline and then Joe I answer
Joe : I am so sorry for your loss are u ok
Tegan : I'll be fine I just need time on my self to recover what I've lost
Joe: I'm gonna let u grieve I'll call later
Tegan : thank u
I've been taken into my own room and been put in a gown so I can sleep and rest for tomrrow and then somone burst throw the doors
Christan.: I knew u were here I am so sorry for your loss
Tegan : how
Christan : come on u think Daniel didn't tell us u were here living in new York and as soon as I saw that tweet I was going round every hospital in new York until I found u
Tegan : I didn't need to I'm fine on my own
Christan : well your not u just lost yours and Daniels baby
Tegan : and what makes u think it's Daniels
Christan : well is it his or somone else
Tegan : his
Christan : and why did i not tell Daniel
Tegan. : because he needs to carry on with his life
Christan : u didn't need to hide it tho
Tegan : I did
Christan.: no u didn't everyone would of helped u and been there it's what family do
Tegan : mhh
I turn around so I'm facing the window
Christan.: im sorry if I'm making things worse
Tegan : k
Christan : can u look at me
Tegan : why
Christan : cause I need to do something
I turn around so I'm facing her
She's hugs me
Tegan : why did this need to happen to me
Christan : idk but I'm sorry
Tegan : mhh
Christan : so your procedure is tomrrow
Tegan : Yh I still have to give birth
Christan : do u know what your having
Tegan : I'll find out to tomrrow all the paper work is on the table have a read all it says is that I can see the baby after I've had it and then I get a photo of it and get to name it and i get a hand a foot prints
Christan : do u know what your gonna name it
Tegan.: if a girl Lucy Marie seavey and a boy gabe baker seavey
Christan.: they sound really nice
Tegan : thanks but I have to ask
Christan.: what is it
Tegan : have u told the boys I'm here
Christan : I did in sorry but they were all panicking wanting me to fine u but I was already looking for u when they boys called and then I found u and told them I was with u and there on there way here
Tegan : great and now I've got to tell Daniel haven't i
Christan; Yh
Tegan : k
Christan : there landing later on
Tegan : k
Christan : are u gonna talk to them
Tegan : I guess
Christan : good they need to know
Tegan : mhh
I grab my phone look at the time and see 5 o'clock
Tegan : what time dose there plane land
Christan : 9
Tegan.: k and are u staying here
Christan : as long as your ok with me staying
Tegan : Yh I am I need somone but I am gonna be boring
Christan : that's fine
We talk for ages and ages catching up on life and what's happening and then Daniel burst thow the door
Daniel ; are u ok
Tegan: no not really
Daniel : I am so sorry for your loss
Tegan : our loss
Daniel : me to
Tegan : I'm so sorry from keeping this from u it's just u needed to go on with your life do your career
Daniel : I know that but I wish I didn't block me out of your life I could of been there for u
Tegan : mhh
Daniel : so what we're u gonna name the baby
Tegan : Lucy Marie seavey for a girl and then a boy was gabe baker seavey
Daniel : they are amzing names
Tegan : thanks
Daniel : so your surgery is tomrrow
Tegan : mhh ready the papers and see what we're gonna get
He reads all of it top to bottom left to right
Tegan : why did this need to happen I was gonna start a new life be happy
Daniel : u can be happy with me all of us
Tegan : it's not the same I've lost something that was growing in me for 5 months
Daniel : I know
Joe then calls me
Joe : how are u feeling now
Tegan : idk really Daniel and that are all hear
Joe : and how's that making u feel
Tegan : better now that they know and here but u know
Joe : mh I'm just so sorry for u
Tegan : mhh
Joe : take care of yourself please
Tegan : I will and u I'll call u soon
Joe : ok
I hand up
Daniel : who was that
Tegan.: Joe checking on me again he's been there for me since the beginning of all of this all always checking on me and helping me thow situations I got myself into
Daniel : he really is a good friend
Tegan.: he is
Night gard : all of u need to go come back again tomrrow at 10
They all say bye and go there all coming back tomrrow to be there for me but they don't need to I can do this myself I don't need anyone but I can't stop Daniel from being here
