I shot up from my sleep of a nightmare breathing heavily I get out of bed and walk to the kitchen so I can calm down a bit but I know it's a panick attack I can feel evey thing closing in on me my hands shaking and breathing still bad I close my eyes . And hold my breath a couple seconds and I can feel myself calm down a bit so I grab water and down it and go back to my room and see Daniel out of bed
Tegan : what u doing up
Daniel : I woke up and u wernt there and I didn't hear dexi wake up and he's still asleep
Tegan : yh I just had a panick attack
Daniel : why are u ok
Tegan : yh fine just had a nightmare about the night feeling like I was conscious when it was happening
Daniel : I'm so sorry that must be horrible
Tegan : it is but it's fine I'm gonna go back to sleep for a bit
Daniel : ok
I get back in bed and try going back to sleep but my nightmare scared me to much that I can't I turn over and face Dani and see him still awake
Tegan : well this is annoying isent it
Daniel : why
Tegan : because I can normally just go to sleep but now I can't because of that bloody nightmare
Daniel : I bet
Tegan : mhh what even is the time
Daniel : 8
Tegan : uhhh
Daniel : did u notice dexi only cryed 2 last night
Tegan : I know normally it's 3 May be 4 times
Daniel : I know but when he next wakes up and u do your stuff let's go for another walk and get breakfast
Tegan : ok I don't mind that
Daniel.: good
I get out of bed and walk to the kitchen and make a bottle before he wakes up and I go back to my room and grab some clothes and walk to the bathroom get changed and do my stuff like always brush teeth and hair and walk back to bed
And we just watch tv and then dexi wakes up so I feed and changed him then wind and get him changed into something nice I grab the sling just I case
Daniel : come on let's go
Tegan : ok
Dani grabs the buggy and we head down
Daniel : get in the car and were drive to breakfast and then walk on the beach
Tegan : ok
We get in the car and drive to a nice cafe and I have friute saled and Daniel has full breakfast and we eat and chill and then we head to the beach
Tegan : I swear u have a things for beaches
Daniel : I do there nice it's a place where u can just sit down and lisen to the waves and chill
Tegan : yh it is nice u can just chill and get away
Daniel : a place to get away
Tegan : yh
We walk alone the beach for ages but I start to get cold but we carry on going and then head back to the car and I put my hands on his face
Daniel : what the hell your cold
Tegan : I know
Daniel : how it was so hot out there
Tegan : I know
Daniel : you've gone so purple and blotchy
Tegan : what happend when your cold
Daniel : well let's go back and u can warm up
Tegan : yes please
We drive back to the complex and we get in and I grab a blanket raping it around me and sitting on the sofa
Daniel : come here and I'll warm u up
Tegan : how by putting my hands down your pants
Daniel : no not like that u know me
Tegan : yes I do
I move over to him and lay on my stomach and out my head on his stomach
Daniel : have u had anymore messages from g
Tegan : no and I'm so happy about it
Daniel : me to stay away she's mine
Tegan ; haha Yh I'm yours
Daniel : yes u are
We lay there for a bit watching tv I swear that's what we ways do but I don't mind
Daniel : have u warmed up
Tegan: yh your like an oven
Daniel : I know I'm always hot but not cold
Tegan: luckey
My phone then goes off so o get up and grab it and see it's Zoe
Tegan: ello
Zoe: hi I've got a letter for u here and it's from the police
Tegan : can u ready it for me
Zoe: sure give me and sec to open it
Tegan : ok
Couple seconds later
Zoe: it say that Lee route wants to see u in the main London prison that's pretty much what it's say
Tegan : is he having a fucking laugh I'm not gonna see him
Zoe: good don't see him
Tegan : that's the second time he's asked to see me isent happening he done fucking wrong and he deserves to Rot in prison
Zoe: I know I'm just happy he's away for life
Tegan: me to look what he done to me and Nina I need to call her
Zoe: ok I'll speak to u later
Tegan : yh u will see ya soon
I quickly call nina
Nina: hi
Tegan : hi did u reserve a letter from Lee to see him in prison
Nina: yh and I did see him
Tegan : why
Nina: I wanted to see and show him how much he messed my life up
Tegan : ok
Nina: I need to tell u something
Tegan: what is it
Nina: I told him u were pregante with his or rosses baby
Tegan : why the fuck would u do that
Nina: it just popped out my mouth
Tegan : uhhh
Nina: I'm so sorry
Tegan : k
Nina: please don't be angry at me
Tegan : just give me some time I'll call u soon
I hang up and throw my phone on the sofa
Daniel : What was that about
Tegan : fucking Nina told Lee I was pregante with his or rosses baby no wonder he wants to see me again
Daniel : why would she do that
Tegan : it just come out her mouth
Daniel : are u gonna fly over and see him
Tegan : no I never want to see him again
Daniel : good
Tegan : I don't need to see him and show What he did to me because that's just showing he won
Daniel : good because he hasent won
Tegan : at first I thought they did but but they haven't
Daniel : well they haven't u showed me they haven't
Tegan : yh
After a bit longer I get up and get dexi and feed and change him
Tegan : I'm gonna cook tonight
Daniel : ooo what u gonna make
Tegan : spaghetti and soy sauce and I know it sounds horrible but it's so nice
Daniel : I'll try it
Tegan : good
I make the spaghetti empty the water and add soy sauce and dish it up on the plate
Daniel : how have i never tried this before it's so nice
Tegan : thank u I know I'm the best at making wired food
Daniel : u are weird
Tegan: I know and embrace it
Daniel : u take this so much better then I do
Tegan: I know I don't mind it
We finish eating
Tegan : I'm thinking of getting a tattoo
Daniel : what u thinking of getting
Tegan : maybe get gabe written on my left wirst and dexi on my right wrist
Daniel : that sounds really nice
Tegan : yh I want something to always remind me of gabe when I look down aswell at dexi even if he is in my life but it would be nice
Daniel : I would say get them it sound really nice
Tegan: thank u
We talk a bit more I then clean all the dishes and bottles and sit back down
Tegan : I'm atchally gonna pass out in so tired
Daniel : go to bed
Tegan : nah I'm gonna stay up until dexi wakes up and plus it's still earlier
Daniel : it is still earlier
I get up from the sofa and make some tea I'm so cold again and my hands need to warm up I sit back down on the sofa and put my hands on Daniel face
Daniel: u need to see someone about that it's just wired
Tegan : im probley always cold cause I have low blood pressure all the time but I've been told that I'm not sure if that true
Daniel: maybe I don't know I'm not a doctor
Tegan : neither
I drink my Drink and my insides are warm but not my outter me after a bit longer dexi wakes up so I grab a bottle and feed and wind him I then get changed into my pjs
Tegan : I'm gonna go to bed
Daniel : ok I'll be there in a minute
Tegan: ok
I walk to my room and get in bed and rap myself up and fall asleep
