Falling For You: A Victuri Story

Chapter 4: If I Could Let Go

Yuri POV

When I get to my dorm, which is a singles, I am out of breath and red in the face. I quickly shut and lock the door as soon as I entered the room.

Then I reached down to the growing bulge in my pants.

Dammit.

I begin to rub it, but quickly stop myself, thinking of what I'd told myself a year ago.

Dammit. Dammit.

All I could think of was Viktor. I reimagined his arms wrapped around my waist, his head leaning onto my hair, his body pressing against mine, and his hot breath sending chills down my spine as he whispered into my ears. His voice, low, deep, and coated with a light Russian accent.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

I walked over to my bed and flopped down.

Dammit, why? Why was I still like this? I thought I'd gotten over it. That my days of watching videos of Viktor compete were over. That I was passed being obsessed with the silver-haired, blue-eyed boy. Passed seeing the sweat on his face after he'd skated a difficult routine, and masturbating with the image of him in my mind.

     I was passed that.

     But as I reached down again to my boner, I knew it wasn't going to go away by itself.

     Dammit, I wanted to touch myself so badly.

     Hesitantly, I reached a hand down into my pants and slowly began to stroke myself. Then I went faster, sliding my hand up and down.

     "Ahh," I moan quietly, not wanting to be heard by anyone.

     I pull my pants down and take my dick out, then I continue to move my hand up and down it, the tip slowly oozing small amounts of pre-cum. As I do, I close my eyes and begin to imagine a man. He's tall, and muscular, but lean. And he has beautiful blue eyes, and silver hair that always seems to be hanging over one of his eyes.

     I've imagined Viktor without even realizing it.

     "Ahh," I start moaning again. "Ahh, Viktor."

     I can feel myself nearing my climax, and my hand speeds up even more, moving faster and faster, up and down my shaft.

     "Ahh, Viktor!," I moan loudly into a pillow as I come all over my hands.

     My breathing is slightly heavy, and so I wait until it returns back to normal. When it does, I change my clothes and wash my hands then curl up into my bed.

     I thought things would be better if I'd let go of my feelings for Viktor. That I would join Delgado and make the skating team. That I'd like to meet Viktor and we'd become friends. That I wouldn't ever think this way, feel this way, or do what I'd just done ever again. I thought I could let go.

     But I can't. And I feel disgusted and ashamed, thinking that Viktor would never want to be friends if he knew I ever felt this way.

     So even though it's barely 4 o'clock. And I haven't eaten anything. And the sun is still shining bright outside. I stay curled up in bed and try to fall asleep as tears slowly roll down my face, thinking that tomorrow is a new day. Telling myself that new days bring new beginnings. And hoping I can begin to let go.