Things Unsaid

What It Means To Be Human

Dr. Reynolds started to talk. "Due to details, I'm afraid that we are going to have to run more tests. Angie may need to stay in the hospital at least overnight."

"What do you mean by this? What's going on?" Dad asked, raising his voice.

"Under these conditions I cannot release any more details at this time."

"I am her mother, I deserve to know what is going on!"

It was horrible and I didn't even say anything yet. My heart beat started going a lot faster and I was just thankful that I didn't have to be set up on the monitor anymore to show that.

"If you are to receive the information you wish, I cannot help with that until given permission by the patient."

All the eyes in the room shifted to me. I felt weak.

"Angie, is this true?" A bewildered look came over my mom's face. It was time.

"I have leukemia. I found out at the appointment but i just couldn't get to telling you guys just yet. I felt horrible, but you were all so happy with the promotion and everything. I'm so sorry."

Jake was right. As good as it felt to get it out of me, I hated seeing the look in my parents. Shock, anger, sadness, denial...and then the brief moment when they remember to be strong for my sake, and then they shift into hiding their real emotions for me. They rushed over to give me a hug. Christine watched me with her sad eyes, but leaned over and told me that I did the right thing by telling them. After several minutes of letting the news set in, Dr. Reynolds chimed back into conversation.

"We need to run a few tests to see just how far the cancer has grown and figure out how serious this really is."

My mom walked over to her. "There has to be a cure or some way to help her. She's so young, and just turned seventeen, with her whole life ahead of her. There has to be something, right?"

"After the results come back, we can take the next steps. Most likely, therapy, group discussions, and chemo procedures. In most cases, leukemia is very difficult to cure, but I assure you that we will all help do our best to keep Angie alive."

They ran more tests. I cried more tears. It was tough. Really tough. Dealing with this was bad, but knowing that if my concept on the bracelet was correct, then there was no escape from death. I wanted more than anything to believe that this was all just one big bad dream, but deep down I knew that it was real. Too real. This was my life and I had to fight for it now. After tests were ran, and we patiently waited for the results, all that was left to do was to wait. The doctors said I could go home tomorrow, but I still had to stay the night. I haven't stayed over night in a hospital since I was born. It kind of scared me, but then again, everything in my life currently was pretty scary. Hopefully I would just get used to the fear and it would seem to go away.

"Mom, Dad, Christine...I'm so sorry that this ruined the trip. If I had known that it was this serious at this point, I would have said something earlier. It's just that..." I started to get all choked up again. Guilt was creeping into every crevice of my soul. "you all were so happy about the promotion and the trip. You all wanted to celebrate summer, and I was too weak. I couldn't ruin your happiness. Figuring that I felt fine, I thought I could make it the few days we were gone, and tell you on the way back." I broke into sobbing. 

Mom brought me into a wonderful hug. "It's okay. What you did was very considerate. You are strong and always think of others before yourself. It's one of the amazing things about you. But Angie, please keep us informed in the future no matter what. We will always be here for you. No more secrets okay?" 

"We will get through this as a family, together." Dad said.

At that moment, I swear that everything seemed alright. Jake was right the night on the beach. Telling them about my cancer had to be the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life, but now that I did, it feels wonderful. They still love and trust me and that's what matters. They can help. I still feel guilty for ending the trip short. For a while I tried begging to go back to the park or at least have them go back and enjoy, but they were persistent on staying for my sake. 

Night fell as the moon rose. I drank a hot mug of water while sitting and looking out at it as my family fell asleep on a couch that was moved into the room. Sleeping wasn't an option for me just yet. My eyes were tired but all I could do was stare at the full moon in the sky. My life was changing, and not just in the normal teenager way. Scared I was, but I knew I would get through it. I had to. What other option did I have?

Eventually, I crawled back into the hospital bed and fell asleep as the medications kicked in.

Until tomorrow...