Things Unsaid

Morning Sun

The next thing I knew, I opened my eyes and looked around. Where was the hospital room? My eyes cleared away and I noticed where I was.

In a coffin.

It was dark. Very dark. I heard muffled noises. Trying to get past hearing my heavy breathing, I listened and was able to make out the sounds. There was a ceremony. My ceremony. This couldn't be happening. I didn't die. I'm a seventeen year old with a full life ahead of me! Pouncing on the walls of the casket I tried to yell and scream for somebody's attention, but it was no use. Completely paralyzed, there was nothing I could do.

I jerked awake suddenly, back safe and sound in the hospital room. I would have preferred my own room without the cancer, but anything living was a lot better than being in that casket. The sun was rising and the rest of my family was still deeply asleep. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Creeping closer to the door, I realized it wasn't a doctor with news. The door swung open and a smile emerged on my face.

"Jake!" I whispered so that the rest of my family wouldn't awake.

There he stood in a hoodie and jeans with a bouquet of flowers and a half gallon of black raspberry ice cream.

"It's not much, but I had to see you and just so happened to stop by a supermarket on the way. Apparently ice cream is on this incredible sale."

I smiled and invited him into the room but slowly realized that there wasn't any more room for us to just chill.

"Here, I have an idea. Follow me." Jake left a little handwritten letter on the night stand to explain where we were in case my family woke up, and then took me outside of the hospital room and down into the main lobby and out the front door. A receptionist almost caught us.

"Excuse me, but patients cannot leave the grounds of the hospital unless with permission from the doctor." She said. "Tell them Jake Ebbons was in. We're not going far." With that he didn't even give them a moment for any more problems or explanations and we were out the door, around the corner of the building, and to a park bench overlooking hills and the rising morning sun.

"I've been here before on an accident much like your own. When I needed to run away from it all for a bit, I came here. Apparently employees take lunch break here, but I think it's even more beautiful at sunrise." He turned to me as we sat down. "Ice cream?"

We ate the entire thing of incredibly delicious ice cream and stared out into the distance as the sun rose. It was beautiful.

"That's the thing about sunsets, Angie. They're like life. Giant metaphors of life. As the sun goes up, it symbolizes a new day or beginning. There's endless possibilities. Of course, looking at a sunset is nice too, but what good is that? Saying the day is over. People have it all messed up these days. They would rather sleep through the fresh beginning and stay awake through the night, but in the end, look at what they are missing."

Looking over at his beautiful face, I took in every metaphorical lyric to his little soliloquy. Jake was awakened by his cancer the same way I was, but he had a longer time to process it. Another helpless soul that found the best in the worst. More than anything, I wanted his bravery and strength to get through it all. How could one be so carefree and happy when knowing they were to die? Being scared and hopeless came naturally for me, but like the morning sun in front of us, he gave me hope. Hope is a very powerful thing.

"Thank you. For being here. Telling them yesterday was a nightmare, but you're right...I do feel a lot better now. Scared out of my mind, but better. I want to live but how do you do that when you're destined not to?"

He kissed me and held my hands in his. "Angie. Think about it for a second. We're all here and we all die, cancer or not. Sure, knowing that it's certain so early on sucks, but the key to living is to make every moment count. People die young without illnesses too. The only difference from us and them is at least we know how much time we have left. But it's silly that people think they have to be diagnosed as terminal before deciding to really live."

I love this moment. I love Jake. I love his words of wisdom and the carefree attitude. This was living to the fullest, and there was absolutely no way I could ever want that moment to end.

We didn't say much after that. It was mostly just staring out into the sunset and sharing the moment together as two young teens in love. Well, two young dying teens in love. Nonetheless, it was a breathtaking moment. Jake eventually walked me back up to the room. It was the best morning I've ever had in my life.

Jake was right. When you're destined to die, you truly live.