Things Unsaid

Right & Wrong

After breakfast, which was breathtakingly delicious by the way, I made it a point to get ready for school the following day. We already got all the school supplies and stuff before the trip, and even though I knew I would miss summer, starting my senior year of high school seemed super exciting. This was it. Graduation, prom, college, and all that good stuff. My life was ready to take off, and so was I.

A new day. A new start. My new life, and I was ready to fight for it.

A pile of pens, pencils, binders and all of my new school supplies sat in front of me. The scent of permanent marker filled the living room as I uncapped and prepared to write my name a million times over to label all of my supplies. Don't get me wrong here; summer is amazing in every single way, but something about going back to school always excited me a bit. Fresh supplies, being with friends, having a routine...it was actually somewhat exciting. Uncapping a purple marker, I started to scribe my name over and over again on everything. Additionally adding which subject was aligned with which folder or binder. It became quite meditative. My mind became one with the lettering as the ink flowed out onto fresh supplies. I barely even noticed the knock on the French doors. They opened as my mom walked in. I took notice and carried on with the labeling process.

"That's a lot of labeling. Do you need any help?"

At first I wanted to say no. That independent teen thought, you know? But when I looked into her eyes, the realization that any additional time with her meant the world was too strong. Needless to say, moments later she was sitting down on the floor with me and helping me out. You know what? It was nice too.

"Look, Angie. I know you're looking forward to going back and such, but your father and I have been talking and we're not so sure it's what's best for you under your, uh, conditions. Maybe focusing on the next steps would help."

My ears started ringing from my massive internal screaming from shock and understatement. Deep down, I know I understood that they were just considering my health options from a parental view, but being okay with this was not going to be fine and dandy with me. Raging on and feeling the vein in my forehead pop out I freaked out. 

"Mom, this is MY LIFE and MY PROBLEM and if I want to spend MY TIME with MY FRIENDS at MY SCHOOL, then you have NO SAY in what I choose to do with it! Thank you for being concerned and all, but I can't live in a hospital gown for the rest of my days cooped up in some sanitary room. I need to LIVE."

The teen-aged hormones and anger kicked into overdrive. At that point stopping was no longer an option, and the emotions exploded. There wasn't even enough time to feel bad about it either.

"This may be YOUR life, Angie, but I'm your MOM and all we want is what's best for you."

She seemed upset and hurt, but regrettably, my emotions didn't yeild to it.

"What's best for me? That's up to ME, not you or Dad or Christine or ANYBODY else for that matter!"

Storming out of the room and eventually out of the house, I decided to take a walk around the block to cool down for a bit. It was difficult to do but there just wasn't any more room to breathe in back at home. Mind wandering anger walks always seemed to help, and real air where I wasn't being confined was nice for a change. It wasn't until I cooled back down that I decided to go back home and fix the pieces I had broken with my Mom. 

Of course, it wasn't going to be easy, but I knew one thing for certain.

No matter what, I was going to school, and nothing was going to stop me.