Things Unsaid

Mi Familia

The heartwarming moment spent with my mom at the rest stop made everything seem okay. Most people may think that knowing your parents are a total wreck over your impending doom may just be the worst thing ever, but for me, it was actually somewhat a gift. This proved to me that she cared and promised to always be there to talk. Being open about it helped in ways I just couldn't ever describe.

As for after the chit chat and coffee, we did end up at a little diner outside of the interstate. It was cute and had amazing waffles with mini chocolate chips on top. Bored of the awkward silence, I made it a point to keep talking about anything and everything. Figures that I would have to be careful of what I was saying. After a while, I gave up on trying to make chit chat and feel like everyone else was still concerned about my cancer.

"Can we please just be normal about this? Let's just pretend that everything is normal, okay? That is all I ask."

They agreed. Alrighty then. It's a small step to a saner self. Progress is key to happiness and progression. So that's exactly what ended up happening. Christine started talking about the time she had her wisdom teeth removed as we chowed down on some food and the conversation just kept going from there. To any other bystander in the diner, everything seemed totally normal as we carried on conversation as usual. There were no new texts from Jake, although I did keep checking for one. The food was pretty enjoyable and the chit chat was normal so everything went pretty smooth, I suppose.

"I can't believe it's the end of summer already." Christine said.

"Since when was it August?"

Honestly, this summer went by so fast. I didn't even really get the chance to go on college tours and stuff like that. Not that it mattered anyway, since I was destined to die before then. But still, I was still graduating this year, and that is just a scary thought. 

"When we get back, Christine, you're going to have to get all your stuff organized for school, and please don't put it off until the night before this time." Mom said.

"I've learned my lession." She replied.

I quietly kept munching on my food. As normal as it all seemed to be, I couldn't find a way to shake that indescribable feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. It's like guilt combined with every emotion possible. Faking a smile was the only thing I could possibly do to keep my sanity and try to remain somewhat happy for the rest of them. After the diner, we got back in the car and went back home. Immediately, Christine popped in her earbuds, and my parents stopped off at a nearby coffee shop for some french roast coffee to go on the trip back home. My eyes began to close and I slept through the entire ride back. Dreams of Jake and the cancer and me in a casket came back. The nightmares drove me bonkers, but there was no escape. The monsters in my dreams were also in my reality. Feeling lost and broken down, I just tried to remain in the state of in-between sleep where you aren't sleeping, but you're not quite awake either. My mind wandered and I just let it. Meditating never really interested me before, but it helped now.

My life was changing rapidly, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to bring it all back to the way it was.