When He's Gone

Chapter 1: Walk Away

He kisses me hard and pulls me closer by the waist, allowing our bodies to mold together as if he could just take me with him. I reach my hand up from his chest and place it on the back of his neck, my fingers curl around his head as if his scruffy hair was still there, but left behind is a buzz cut.

I finally pull away but not because I wanted to, because I had to. I took a deep breath and buried my head into his chest, listening to his heart beat and prayed to God that those beats would stay with him, keeping him alive while he's away.

He tells me to look at him, my fear filled blue eyes meeting his. He assures me everything will be okay as he wipes something wet off my cheek. I didn't want to cry, I wanted to be strong for him. I knew once I started, the tears wouldn't stop. "Be strong" he told me as the intercom mumbled a flight number, his gates were opening at any moment.

He kissed my forehead and then his mother's cheek, also wet from tears. I knew having my boyfriend leave was hard, but I couldn't imagine the pain of seeing my son go. He whispered something in her ear and she nodded her head yes. I figured it wasn't any of my business but I still wondered anyway.

He embraced me for the last time in his strong arms, I let him hide me from the world. He felt so strong against me, so protective. I stood on my tip toes to try and kiss him but he laughed and picked me up because I can't quite reach. It felt good to hear him laugh but at the same time it hurt like hell. That was the last time I'd hear that sound for awhile.

His beautiful green eyes met mine, us forehead to forehead, nose to nose. He mouthed "I love you" and within milliseconds the intercom blurred in, Gate 27 was now open. "I love you too" I told him, watching him walk away, his shoulders back and his head held high. I was left falling apart, my knees buckled. His mom's hand grabbed mine and within moments I realized she was crumbling too.

We got in the car, silence surrounding us which made my thoughts take over my body. All the negativity, I couldn't be strong, I couldn't hold it together. "You're not alone sweetheart" his mom said, reaching a hand off the steering wheel for me to hold again, and I nodded my head. I was too choked up to say anything. She's probably the only one who's gonna understand me through these 17 months. She's gonna be the closest thing I have to him, and I'm the closest thing she has to Brooklyn too.