Military Love » Harry Styles

chapter sixty three (HARRY ENDING)

"You came," he breathed out, his calm voice clinging to the back of my head like a chewing gum to the ground. The stinging sensation filled me, the hurt was undeniable. I thought that all my tears dried, but the burning sensation of tears forming in the corners of my wet eyes caught me off guard. His loose and wild curls looked messy, and the dark circles under his eyes told me tales of his sleeping pattern.

I decided against every thought of words and decided to say nothing. I would let him speak. I would let him confess and regret.

"I don't know what to say." He said, waving me to sit down on the chair opposing him. I will not sit down, I told myself. He had ordered a coffee for himself, and a second later the female waitress placed a cup of steaming coffee on my side of the round table too.

"I-" he started, at a loss for words. "I thought I'd order some coffee for you too." He stuttered. The discomfort in his face was undeniable. There was another emotion too, one I could not recognize.

I said nothing and kept my grounds by standing instead of sitting.

"Will you please sit down?" The urgency in his voice was moaning in my head, and I sat down, wanting it to be silent in my head. The voices stopped as soon as I sat down. I looked him in the eyes for the first time. The world seemed to stop around me. I felt high, and I hated myself for it. There was a bang in my heart, seeing the state he was in. I could not stop myself caring about him.

"I will start saying that I am the dumbest, most idiotic man to ever exist." He smiles. I do not smile. I do not talk. His smile turns upside down and he talks. He realised that he smiled, and furrowed his brows, as to say sorry.

"I am so stupid for letting you go and for doing this to you Violet." He pronounces my name like he always does and it hurts. He had this special way of pronouncing my name. A special way that made my stomach explode.

"Don't call me that." I snap, trying to take control of my voice, but it breaks midsentence.

"It's your name." He tells me. He seems helpless

"You are not entitled to my name, not anymore." I look down, ordering myself not to cry. No man Is worth crying over, especially not after what Harry has done. His voice echoed inside my mind.

"I am sorry." It was silent for a couple of minutes before the waitress came back carrying a plate with two cookies on them. I finally looked up to meet Harry's eyes again. I felt that he had been staring at me, whilst I had been trying to escape the conversation by looking everywhere else except at him.

"I thought I'd-" He stopped talking. He was at all loss for words.

"You'd thought you'd what? Reminiscing over some of the memories we shared so that I would jump right back into your arms?" I spat finally finding the courage. Some people turned their heads to tune in onto the conversation, other looked at us annoyed.

I want everything but to be some people's real life drama show right now.

"You know that's not what I'm meaning to do here." He whisper-shouts. "I just want to show you that I am really really sorry."

I did not response.

"You were too kind for me, I realise that now. You were there for me, you shared with me, you were in love with me. I was too blinded to see, I did love you, but you were never my priority. You were just someone that was mine. I was never yours. I never allowed me to be."

His words took my breath away.

"You broke my heart." I tell him, and without realizing a warm tear rolled down my cheek. With one quick swatch of my sweater it was gone.

"I broke my own heart as well." He said. "I hurt you."

"Like really hurt."

"I am sorry. If I could take it all back I would." He replied.

"But you can't." I stated the obvious, not very kindly.

"That's why we're here." He tells me.

"And why exactly is that?" I ask.

"Me trying to make it up to you."

Again there was a silence. I could not take it. He had hurt me. But could I live with the feeling of letting him live with all this guilt? Of course I wanted him to feel sorry, very sorry. But seeing him in this state hurt too much. I cared for him deeply, more than I had ever cared for anyone. Hell, I even dare say I was still fucking in love with him.

"Harry, let me get this clear." I cleared my throat. "I will forgive you,."

He looked up at me from his coffee with one quick motion. 'You will?' He exclaimed surprised.

'Yes. But that's it.'

He sighed, this is not what he had hoped for. He wanted me to choose him. I could not, though a small part of me wanted to. The adventure his eyes held, and the feel of his hands on my hips. But I could not. He had hurt me too much.

"I understand." He tells me. We both stand up, he hesitantly reaches out his hand for a formal handshake. A quick decision and I hugged him tightly, pain filled me, but also happiness. I realised that once I was able to forgive him, I would be able to forgive myself.

"I feel stronger after this." I admitted.

"That's what they do in the army, first they break you down, but only to build you back up again." He smiled as we both walked to the exit, back to our separate lives.

- this is not the end, there is another wonderful chapter waiting for u!!!-