Letters To The Writer: Volume 1

September 30th

Hey mom, I got something to tell you,
I've been feeling down with the heaviest of blues,
I've been courageously fighting I don't wanna lose,
I feel like anyway now I'll be like grandpa and die too.

I feel like I'm already on edge,
Feel like crushing my bones with a sledge,
Feel like running away and living in someone's shed,
Feel like I should go back to the times where I watched as I bled.

I feel fucking worthless,
My brain isn't working,
My body is fat shirtless,
My demons are all curseless.

I wanna die sometimes,
I stay up and cry and night,
I lie and lie all the time,
I tell you I am fine, I lied.

I have no friends, nobody that truly cares,
Being alone just isn't fair,
When people need me I'm there,
But when I need something they run away scared. Fuck.

Please tell me something, say I'm worth it,
Stop telling me bad shit it's not working.
I'm starting to feel a darkness lurking,
This depression just keeps on stirring.

__

Well son, I don't believe you,
I feel like you're deceiving too,
This depression is not defeating you,
Your mind plays tricks, it's deceiving you.

You're doing this for attention,
Want pity I forgot to mention.
You're punished consider it an extension,
To the hell you're already in, just do your sentence.

You're a failure of a son and fucking brother,
I wish you can just go live with your actual mother.
I know I make you feel like shit, you take a pillow and just smother,
Your face into it as you cry like rain, and wail like thunder.

I told you to tell me how you feel,
Now my heart is hard as steel.
Life is turning like a wheel,
Next time beg me as you kneel.

___

To all those who're reading, find someone to talk to. If I should be anything to you, I should be a prime example of someone who is closed off. This poem is based on true events and feelings I have. I'm so close to falling off the skyscraper of problems I have, that one day I'll slip off with a noose around my neck. Thank you.