THE DIRTY DEVIL AND ADORABLE ANGEL

chapter 10

P.S THIS IS A DEDICATION TO AN AMAZING LIL GIRL.... ISH911 A.K.A ISHA!! <3 U...

CHAPTER 10- SMILE AND CRY....

I was reading and munching on all the chocolates manufactured. I was going crazy, more than I am! I heard them giggle... OUCH my heart hurts. I decided it would be best for me to sleep. I mean sleep always helps.

The next thing I know a loud thing is beeping on my head! Oh wait that was my alarm clock. I got up and changed. By the time I went for breakfast, he had already left and there was a note from him to me stuck on the fridge...

hey Ash,

I had to leave early so... hope you understand tell you when i get back.... Enjoy the breakfast in the fridge.

I grinned and opened the fridge. There was an amazing aroma and pastry! What does this guy not know? As I hopped off into lala land the image of him and Trisha came into my mind and I stopped dreaming about him and his godly scent! OK STOP ASHLEY! I mentally scolded myself while eating the delicious pastry. After satisfying my grumbling stomach I rushed off to uni, using the bus! I hate when this happens and to top it off I am sitting next to a stupid, bratty baby who seems pretty happy while removing those ugly fat crocodile tears!

WOAH! Angry much? Finally I reached Uni and went to class. "hey?" asked a surprised Dylan.

"hey!" I said catching up with my breath.

"Seems like someone isn't happy?"

"Oh I am my friend I am the happiest chic on EARTH!" I said with alot of sarcasm and anger, resulting to Dylan having shock written all over him.

The day at uni came to a quick end and I walked upto the library as Trisha asked me to give 'them' some 'space'. Okay, the library was huge! Like so gigantic with millions of books all around. I walked past the librarian who smiled at me and asked in a really smooth voice, "Hello, how may I help you miss?"

I noticed she had a british accent but replied politely, "I was wondering where I could find some novels to read?"

"Oh any genre in particular?"

"yeah, romance, horror or fantasy."

"You have an imagination and a half." she chuckled as she led me to the shelves.

I let out a small gasp at the number of books and quickly went for my search. After looking and looking I came across a book; THE NIGHT WORLD and read the back quickly. It seemed interesting so I sat down and read it.  I was so into the story by the time I took a quick glance at the watch it was six! I had been reading for two hours! I'm such a psycho. I took the bus home and gladly there was no cry baby next to me.

I walked up stairs humming a weird tune. I opened the door and there Trisha was intensely kissing Jacob. They didn't seem to notice me thus I walked to my room hurriedly. The imae of them kissing was in my head. Replaying over and over itself. Why does this always happen to me? Oh i guess its just not in my destiny to have who I love. The image of them kissing and holding each other and.... Before I knew it, I started crying.

Oh welcome tears. I tried diverting my attention to something else.

think about..... a mouse or a keyboard.... oh how nice to hold it and how efficiently mouses work. Oh yeah there are three types of mouses hahaha nooo its mice... mouse or mice?

I was mentally debating with myself until Trisha opened the door uninvited and saw me talk to myself. It's not until she came I realised I was crying. " Hey all good?" she asked while settling down beside me on the bed. I nodded. "Then why the tears? I know you're hiding someething from me!"

"Trish no, its, its just some family problems." I lied while wiping my face. She nodded understandingly. We chit-chated for some time until she told me about the kiss. "It was amazing, I feel....... so good."

I smiled and replied, "you betcha."

"He is really nice, and a marvellous kisser." she giggled. I tried to control myself from tearing up. "By the way, I didnt see you come in?" she said. 

thats 'coz you were to busy diving into someone's lips.

 I said mentally.

Then I replied, " yeah that..." She smiled and said goodbye.

After she left I felt it was best for me not to talk to Jacob. I walked out and went to get food. "Its not what it looked like." he said in an apologetic tone.

"You don't have to explain anything, she is your girlfriend and what you do with her is none of my business." I snapped rather coldly earning me a hurt look from Jacob. He went back to his room and I was left there mentally scolding myself.

I wanted to scream! I wanted to scream really bad. I took a pillow and shouted in it, so as to minimise the noise. My room seemed to be looking at me. I wish everything could be normal. I wish I told Trisha bout my feelings FIRST then would she back off? or would she still make moves on him?

I don't know why but nowadays I've grown pretty close with my diary. Yes I took it out and wrote down;

Dear diary,

Maybe you think i'm a lunatic but trust me no! I am a messed jungle of emotions. I want to kill someone. I am so frustrated! It hurts so bad to think that maybe I could have been with Jacob? Should I take Derek's advice and tell Trisha everything? Or should I wait to see if destiny really wants us together? Today I was hurt the most! I know somewhere this is my fault but things have gone too far. and maybe he is the one for Trisha. I am sooo hurt I dont think anything could be more painful than this. Its amazing how I  can fall in love with the person I didn't even notice much at first. To everyone else he is someone, but to me that someone is my world.

I am scared of loosing him but, then,again he isn't even mine! I can fake a smile when I feel the worst (like today when my eyes saw them kissing!) I can pretend to be happy with their 'relationship' but what I can't pretend is that I love him! Meeting him was fate, becoming friends with him was a choice but loving him was just beyond my control, diary!  I guess some people are meant to fall in love with each other but not be together......

I know its over, although it never really began but inside this emotional foolish heart of mine it felt so real. Sometimes I think I'm over him but then I see his silly smile and it makes me melt again! I know his not the only guy in the universe but he is the only one that matters to me....  why is it that I cry and smile only for that guy?  no matter what happens I'll be waiting for him, forever and ever....

after writing all that my heart felt alot more lighter. I did my homework, read the amazing book and went of to lala land....

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