Dechart: Become Connor

Emily 5

"Hank, can I ask you something? Something personal?" I ask as I approach his desk. I need to know the truth. It was just yesterday when we investigated the Eden club.

"Only if you tell me what the hell is going on in your head." He fires.

"Fine." I sigh and sit on his desk dreadfully. "A lot. More than I can put into words. But recently it's been Connor." I admit finally.

"Connor? Don't tell me you're falling for him!" He teases. I playfully punch his arm.

"I'm not. I just... He feels so human sometimes. When he gets upset, which he definately does, it's in his voice and behind his eyes. I can feel what he's feeling."

"I'm sorry detective but androids don't have feelings." I jump and face the one and only Connor.

"Why are you here?" I spit.

"I figured since humans normally spend time together that-"

"But you aren't human. You make that very clear every day. You don't bleed what I bleed. Stop trying to be something you aren't!" Fake people... "Pick one. Are you a fucking machine or did you feel something when those Traci's held hands and begged to be together?" I shout out at him before storming out of the station and going to my car. I rest my forehead on the glass and take shakey breaths. I'm getting so emotional. Why? Why do I care so much? I feel a hand on my arm and I face it's owner.

"Emily, I'm sorry for stressing you out. I hope you can forgive me so we can further our investigation." He says in his usual voice.

"Fuck you." I whisper. "You're nothing! Nothing but a piece of plastic shaped like a person! You're fake!"

"Well yeah. What did you expect?" He asks. I respond by punching him as hard as I can. He stumbles back a little and I shove him just to proceed to hit him until he falls to the snowy ground. That's when I put my hands around his throat and squeeze. I can see his skin fading from where I am holding his neck. "Androids don't need to breathe! You aren't real! Machines aren't people!" I shout before being pulled off. I try to fight from their hold as Connor catches his breath and repairs his skin.

"Em stop!" Hank shouts.

"Fuck you!" I shove away from him. "You're the one who is determined to kill yourself! You say you can't pull the trigger but you do it all the time! What the fuck do you think Russian roulette is? You're trying to die!" He doesn't argue with me, just holds my head to his chest and hugs me. I feel myself begin to cry.

"Is that what you wanted to ask me about?" He asks quietly. I nod and shyly hug him back, sobbing. "I lost my son a few years back. You remember Cole, right? Well, I can't forget." He says quietly.

"Detective Bowie," Connor starts. "Why does it matter so much to you if I'm a machine or not?" I pull away from Hank and wipe my face.

"Reasons you wouldn't understand. Reasons that wouldn't make sense to you because you can't feel anything." I spit.

"Emily, are you saying what I think you're saying?" Hank asks.

"If you think I'm in love with him, I'm not. But I'd be lying if I said I don't feel any attachment at all. Connor, you asked me if I could tell you about me, you wanted to know who I am behind the scenes. I'm depressed and alone. My family is dead, I don't have any friends or pets or anything. I fight myself. Hank, you drink and drink until you black out. That's how you get by. That's not how I do it. I'm too much of a pussy to self harm, alcohol is how I lost my family, drugs were never my thing, despite everyone around me being hooked, so what do I do? I numb myself. Degrade these pointless emotions until I don't feel anymore. But I can't do that around you, Connor. And I hate it. I hate you!" I walk past them but Connor lightly grabs my arm.

"Emily," his LED is yellow as he looks into my eyes.

"Leave me alone." I pull away from him and walk back inside. I can tell they are following, but I just go to my desk and load up my terminal. There isn't anything drastic, nothing new on deviants, so I gather my things, go to my car and go home.