Something that Makes me Smile

"Stop!"

Sitting in the psychiatrists office in rest my sweaty hands on the tacky leather couch. In here it is actually really cold with the AC turned on so I'm assuming I am sweating from discomfort. In front of me sits an old man, with scratched glasses and he is scribbling stuff in his notebook, although I haven't even started speaking yet.

"So, tell me about Elspeth," he says. I stare at him, confused. No one has asked me to tell them about Elspeth before and I don't know how to reply.

"I mean, tell me how you feel about all the stuff that has gone on in your life recently."

"Elspeth died," I say. "I feel sad about that, she was my best friend."

I glance up at the shrink, and watch him watch me.

"Do you think about her?" He asks.

Then I notice Elspeth sitting on the counter behind him. Her arms at crossed and her legs are swinging, and she has her typical smirk on her face.

"What kind of question is that?" She snorts

I look back at the old man, realising I haven't replied and say, "Of course I think about Elspeth."

He spends the rest of the session scribbling in his note book and asking stupid questions.

Mum is sitting in the waiting room outside the office holding my bags. I grab them and as we leave I walk a few feet ahead of her, a clear sign that I don't want to chat. Instead of going home I decide to go to the beach and think.

At the beach I sit at the bottom of the cliff, and obviously think about Elspeth. It's like she's just filled up my mind and made sure there isn't room for me to think about anything else. Without noticing I have begun to pick up rocks and toss them into the waves, while the tears stream down my face, uncontrollable.

Before I know it I am up to my stomach in the cold water, going out further and further. The I feel heat around my waist. Strong heat, catching me when I fall and lifting me up higher. But I fight it, kicking and screaming out bubbles.

"Stop!" I hear, and I do stop. Looking up I see Noah, holding me. I press my face into his chest and sob, my tears running down his body to join the salty waves. He holds me there in the water until all the tears are gone. I listen to the waves, crashing about us and wonder why he is here with me.

"I always noticed you, Grey," he whispers.