Letters to Isabella

thirteen.

Rocky's POV

"God I miss you, Bri." I choked out. I frantically wiped the tears away from the underneath of my swollen, bloodshot eyes and burrowed my head into my jeans. "Why did you have to leave me?"

I'd been trying so hard; so, so damn hard to put on a brave face and act like everything was okay when deep down I just felt like a little piece of me had died along with Brianna. I was so angry at her for leaving me, things weren't finished between us - we had unfinished business and now we'd never get to fulfil our dreams or live out the life we'd so desperately wanted together.

I was sat in front of her gravestone with a single red rose in my hand. It was her favourite. Or it had been, I suppose. I just couldn't stop thinking about her. It felt like every time I closed my eyes all I could see was Brianna's face. She was never smiling though. Her big ocean blue eyes always seemed to be filled with so much sadness and regret. It killed me to remember her like that. She was always so happy and positive.

"I love you Bri." I whispered. I placed a kiss on her tombstone and laid out my rose carefully on top of it. I stood up slowly from my crouched position on the ground and wiped away the tears that continued to fall down my face. "I'll have to move on but I won't ever forget you or the memories that we shared together." I gulped and stared down at the ground, the chilly October winds surrounded me like a whirlwind. "I know that you'd want me to be happy."

I couldn't find the strength to say anything else to her. Truthfully I wasn't even sure if she would magically be able to hear me or that she was with me somehow in spirit. But I desperately needed the closure. I wouldn't be able to continue living my life unless I somehow apologised to her and explained that I'd have to continue living otherwise my life would be better off dead too.

I said one last final goodbye before standing up, inhaling deeply and heading back to my car. I threw my hands into the pocket of my jeans and covered my head and face with the hood of my jumper. I didn't want to see anyone or speak to anyone. I just wanted to be alone - just for now at least.

I started up my car and pulled away from the cemetery watching as Brianna's grave became nothing more than a little speck in the distance. I sighed and decided to go and grab a coffee somewhere in a little corner café. As much as I loved staying with Ross, Laura and the kids I knew deep down that it was time for me to sort my life out and go back home to my own place. I'd never move on if I didn't go back to the life I originally had.

I pulled up outside one of the local café's and made sure that I looked respectable enough to go in and bunk down in there for a little while. "Yeah." I murmured to myself, rubbing my eyes. "This'll have to do."

I stepped out of the car and pulled my hood back down before heading inside to the warmth of the little café. The door chimed as I stepped in and the little old lady who was behind the counter smiled and waved to me. I waved back to her and joined the queue before glancing around at my surroundings. The tables were mainly filled with older people who sat with their crosswords and coffees, each of them quietly discussing something amongst themselves. It made me feel happy and more than comfortable to be around people who wouldn't have a clue who I was. I could just be Rocky, a guy who had entered a local café to grab some coffee and relax before heading home to Ross and explaining that I'd be moving back home by tomorrow evening.

The queue quickly disappeared and before I knew it I was ready to be served. I pulled a couple of dollars out from the pocket of my jeans and smiled as the old lady grabbed her notepad and pen. "What can I get for you sugar?"

"Just a coffee please." I replied warmly. I was about to hand her the correct amount of money when she handed me a blueberry muffin. "Oh wait, Ma'am I didn't order -"