Letters to Isabella

thirty eight.

Isabella's POV

My alarm blared from beside me. I'd laid awake for what felt like hours just staring up at my cream coloured ceiling and watching as the sun rose slowly above my window bringing in a soothing amount of light that sadly still couldn't cure my empty feeling in the pit of my stomach.

With little to no effort I threw my hand angrily against my alarm clock to silence it. I then laid back and felt warm tears fall down my cheeks as once again Dean Morris slipped into my mind. I couldn't accept that he was gone, I couldn't settle for that. I needed to know where he is, I mean surely I was entitled to those details.

I turned over weakly onto my side and locked eyes with a baby blue journal my mom had bought for me at the store the other day as a way for me to vent and explore my feelings; much like she had done as a teenager actually.

I laughed bitterly to myself and shook my head as I flipped open my journal and popped the cap off my ballpoint pen with my mouth. "Journaling won't bring Dean back and it won't make me feel any better." I whispered as I began to write.

Dear Diary... I guess? That's what most people start off with... right?
Anyway... mom thinks that this will be good for me. I kind of doubt that but I'm willing to try it.
It's been nearly a month since you left, Dean Morris, and I'm still hurting every single day.
You were my best friend... the one person who actually made me want to get out of bed in the morning and now it's like you never existed.
I want you to come back to me. I'm not sure if I can get through my teenage years or high school without you.
If there's a God out there... I really hope that you bring Dean Morris back to me.

I put my pen back down and closed my journal back up. It hadn't helped at all, if anything it just made me remember that my best friend was still missing and whether I liked it or not I was still alone.

A quiet knock from my bedroom door suddenly made me more alert than I had been, despite having less than an hours sleep throughout the whole night. "Yeah?" I croaked out, frantically wiping the fresh tears away from my bloodshot eyes.

"Bella, it's Nona. Open up."

My grandmother had been staying with us over the last few weeks because both mom and dad had been busy and constantly out of the house. Bailey and I legally weren't allowed to be left alone whilst they were gone for so many hours so Nona had offered to babysit us and honestly I was glad, I loved spending time with her.

I sniffed and forced myself out of bed. I opened up my bedroom door and my grandmother stood in front of me with her arms open wide. I fell into her embrace and she kissed the top of my head lightly. "Sweetheart you look exhausted. Have you slept?" She asked as I closed my bedroom door behind us and guided her to sit beside me on my bed.

"No." I explained honestly, slipping my journal underneath one of my pillows. I wasn't ashamed of owning one, I just wasn't ready or mentally prepared for my grandmother or anyone in my life to read my feelings and thoughts just yet. "How can I sleep Nona? He's still missing."

She sighed and began to trace her fingers gently across my leg, shaking her head back and forth. "How long has it been now?"

I scrunched my eyebrows together. "Almost a month."

"Oh Bella... —"

I cut her off and forced myself to smile. I didn't want to make anyone else feel low. "It's okay Nona."

She smoothed her hand down my hair and shook her head in disappointment. "You mustn't give up, okay?"

I laughed quietly and stared down at the floor. "I have to, Nona." I whispered, feeling tears form in my dark brown eyes once again. "I'm just a kid. I don't have nearly as much power as the adults do — the ones who took him away from me."

Nona gently guided my face towards her and wiped the tears away that were forming in my eyes. "Isabella, you may just be a kid, but that doesn't mean you won't fight to get your friend back."

I stared at her and she nodded encouragingly at me. "You either go to war or you sit back and settle for what others have chosen for you."

I laughed quietly and smiled at her. "That's deep, Nona."

"I should hope so." She replied, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. "I lost the love of my life, your grandpappy, and I didn't have a choice but to let him go." She paused and smiled at me. "But, you... you have a choice and if I had been lucky enough to be in your position I would have fought for him."

I stared at the sunlight outside and nodded my head slowly. I began to wonder if somewhere in the world Dean Morris happened to be looking at the same sunrise that I was. I wondered if he'd spent countless nights crying into his pillows and wanting to see me again like I had with him.

Well, I'd never know, unless...

I turned to Nona and nodded with a straight face. "I'm going to war."

She smiled and saluted me. "Sure thing Captain."

I hopped out of bed and grabbed some clothes from my drawer. "If you'll excuse me Nona, I'm going to get ready for school and then I'm going to find out exactly what happened to Dean Morris."

"That's the spirit baby!" She exclaimed, clapping her hands together excitedly.

I gazed at myself in the bathroom mirror, pulled my hair out of it's messy ponytail and nodded with a sly smirk. "No more time to feel sorry for yourself Isabella Anne Lynch. It's time to get some justice."

***

a/n

YESSS BELLA!!!

all my love,

b x