Fading | discontinued

Chapter 8

I straighten up. He's opening up to me, and my heart is thudding. He inhales slowly. And exhales slowly.

"I used to have these three friends, Michael, Luke," he swallows "and Calum. We were so close," he smiles at the memory. "We would always go to the cliffs, the cliffs were down by the beach, and when you stood on top of them you could see miles, and miles of ocean. It was beautiful, but one hell of a rough drive. We would go on the first day of every month." He sighs. "It seems like a stupid thing now, but it made sense to us, it was like a friendship thing. We would drive up in my car and sit on the cliff and talk, and listen to music, and just relax. It was nice. We would go up just before sunset, so we could watch the sun settle below the horizon. The sky would go this beautiful orange colour every once in a while. We never missed a month out, we always went, for two whole years." He seems happy, peaceful even. And suddenly his features shift, and his eyebrows knit together and pain appears in his eyes. "But then this one time, it was raining, a lot, it was storming, thunder and lightning. And the lads said not to go this time, to stay at home, but I said that we couldn't miss one. That we had to go. So we did. We went. We drove up the steep, narrow road to the cliff top. And everything was good, and we laughed, and sang, and relaxed. Even in the poring down rain, nothing had changed. But then we had to leave, and it was dark, and slippery. We all piled into my little car. I turned on the ignition and we started driving, and then we weren't driving. Because," he stops himself and starts crying, his breaths are short and quick. I wrap my arms around him and comfort him. I kiss his cheek gently, a friendly gesture. He wipes his eyes and stops hyperventilating. "Because we were upside down, and then we weren't upside down because we were all in the hospital. And then," he starts hyperventilating again.

"Ash, it's okay, you don't have to do this," I tell him wrapping my arms around him and rubbing his back. Even though it would kill me if he ended the story. He pulls away, and wipes his stained cheeks.

"And then we weren't in hospital, because we were at Calum's funeral, he died!" He is now shouting. "And it's all my fault," he screams crying, the tears stream and stream. "I killed him!" He screams. He tries muffling his sobs in his hand but it doesn't work, he is screaming and wailing, and it's breaking my heart. I hug him again, but this time he hugs back and cries into my shoulder. His strong arms clutch me.

"Ashton, it wasn't your fault," I tell him, making my voice as soothing as possible.

"Of course it was, if it wasn't for me, Cal would be here," he is still sobbing. He pulls away and we stare at each other for a while.

And I do something I didn't think I'd do, I crash my lips onto his, he quickly kisses back, and I feel electricity, the same electricity I feel when I so much as touch him. We move in synch with each other, his hands find their way to my cheeks and he holds me with both hands, cupping my face. My hands hold his waist. The kiss is amazing, and it is more passionate than the last, there is more feeling. We both sit, cross legged on the bed kissing for a while. Our tongues gliding, he cries a little and I can taste the saltiness of his tears. We both smile into the kiss and pull away at the same time.

"You're amazing, you know that right, Cart?" He smiles, his voice barely a whisper and hoarse from crying and shouting.

"I'm not," I whisper, and I think he doesn't hear, he isn't meant to hear.

"I think you are," he smiles. And his dimples pop, and I can see his beautiful teeth. He looks so happy, and the only evidence of his recent break down is his red eyes and stained, damp cheeks.

"You are beautiful," I tell him, a boy being beautiful is kind of weird, but he is, he is beautiful.

"Wow, Carter, are you coming onto me?" He raises his eyebrow at me.

I cross my arms over my chest "I don't know, am I?" I joke to him.

He bites his lip and looks me dead in the eyes. He leans into me "Are you?" He whispers in my ear. And pulls away from me.

Quickly, I retaliate.

I lean into his ear, "yes," my voice quiet, I plant a small kiss by his ear. He takes a deep breath.

"I'm tired, and I have be up in about two hours, you can sleep there if you want," I smile at him.

"Okay," he breaths as his settles under the covers. I do the same.

I close me eyes and try to think over the last hour and a half.

Okay, so Ashton told me about his past, and that Luke and Michael were in fact friends from his past, and that he feels responsible for his friends death. Also, death of a loved one is a main trigger for depression and/or self harm. Especially, if said person feels responsible. And then I kissed him, I kissed him again, again. I promised myself I wouldn't. I shouldn't have. Why did I? I kissed him, there's no excuse. And now, I'm lying next to him. The lighting strikes and the thunder growls. I hear Ashton wince so I scoot over to him and put my head on his lifting and falling chest. He wraps his arm around me. And the last things I remember before falling asleep are Ashton's low humming, and the rain tapping against the window, and the perfect simplicity of the moment.

---

My alarm blares and it takes a few minutes to come to reality.

I lay in bed, my legs tangled with Ashton's and his arm flung around my body. I try to untangle myself, and reach over to turn off my alarm. But as I do Ashton's grasp tightens.

"No," he mumbles. His hair is messy and a few strands stick to his neck.

"Ashton, I have work," I whisper, unwrapping his arm from my body and turn off my alarm.

"Mmm," he grumbles sitting up. "Thanks for, for last night," his voice is quiet and timid, I can still see the sadness behind his beautiful eyes, it's still there.

"It's okay, glad I could help," I tell him as I walk up to my wardrobe, I step inside and pick out a midi skirt and a white shirt. I change inside my wardrobe with the door closed, it's a walk in wardrobe so I'm not just changeling inside a cabinet.

I walk back into my room and Ashton isn't there. He doesn't have an appointment today, but after last night, I feel a little more comfortable letting him stay here.

I enter the hall way and turn to go to the bathroom, I twist the handle but it doesn't open.

"Ash are you in there?" I ask.

No answer.

"Ash?" I press my ear to the door. The water isn't running so he isn't in the shower. My heart starts thudding, what if something's wrong.

"Ashton!" I scream, bagging at the door, I push against the door and it flings open.

"Ash!" I scream, he lays on the floor.

"Mmm," he grumbles. His voice is deep and it unusual.

"Ash, what happened!?" I ask loudly.

He doesn't reply his eyes are squinted. He wraps his arms around me. My heart thuds in my chest. What happened? I feel tears spring to my eyes as I stare down at him, at his arms, his strong, scared, bloody arms.

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How was this chapter? It was hard to write :'D-Caiti