Fading | discontinued

Chapter 13

"Growing up was hard. I used to have an older brother, Ben, he was my parents favourite, even through they wouldn't admit it, but it was obvious. One day, my mum, dad, brother and I went for a walk down to the beach. I was ten at the time and I still remember the smell of the air, it was salty and smelt like, holidays, you know that smell?" I smile. He nods as he runs his hand up and down my thigh. "Anyway, yeah, I was ten and my brother was fourteen. He was so young and so curious, you could see it in his eyes, they were green and alive with wonder, they looked like the sea, full of wisdom, even at such a young age. He was my best friend, he wasn't the type of teenager to stay up in his room, he would play with me and talk to me, he was different, he was creative and compassionate. I remember my brother wanting to go down to the ocean to swim, my mother and father let him because they felt he was old enough not to go wondering. So he left my parents and I and went to swim. I sat in the sad, I clearly remember digging a hole and my father laughing saying I was 'digging a hole to china.' My parents were relaxed , and happy we were all happy. It was until we saw lifeguards rushing to the sea, my mother bolted up right, she knew exactly what was happening. I was so clueless. I stood beside my brother down by the water front and watched my mother weep and the lifeguards pump against his lifeless body-" I stop myself and wipe my eyes, it was only then I realised my eyes were blurred with tears. "I'm sorry," I cry leaning onto Ashton's chest. My head pushed up agains him as he rubbed my back.

"Shhh, it's okay," he coos. "Is that all," he asks, his voice at a soothing tone that makes me feel calmer, or maybe it is the way he is holding me.

I shake my head. "That's only the start," I cry, my sobs are quiet and weak, they are pathetic. I'm pathetic.

"You don't have to carry on," he tells me smoothing down my hair.

"Thanks," I sigh. He lays down on the settee and brings me with him, I lay on top of him, my head on his chest, I feel it rise and fall, and I hear his heart beat rhythmically to mine.

There is total and complete silence, and it's nice, it's nice to feel alone but not alone at the same time.

"Are you okay?" He asks, breaking the quiet.

"Yeah," I say quietly.

"Really?" He asks.

Something about his question gives me an uncomfortable feeling inside of my stomach.

"No," my voice is wobbly and weak.

"Why do you work at that place?" He asks, I already know the answer.

"I never wanted anyone to feel like I did," I sigh. "I wanted to help someone. And I didn't want them to feel as though I didn't know what they were going through, because I knew how hard it was, I know that it's not just as easy as saying 'don't do that to yourself.'"

"I want to help you," he says.

"That's my job, I'm supposed to be helping you," I laugh.

"You are," he says, his tone serious.

"We've only had two sessions," I laugh slightly.

"I'm not talking about that place," he mumbles. "You've helped me by just being yourself. And it's so morbid because we've only known each other for about a week, and you've already helped me more than the last four clinics I've been to."

"Really?" I ask. "How, I'm nothing special." I mumble as I sit up, my position is awkward and it looks like I'm straddling him, so I stand. As I do Ashton grabs my hand.

"Yes you are, you are so special," he smiles. "You don't even see it?" He asks.

I shake my head. "No,"

He stands abruptly. "Well you are," he says.

I shake my head again. "I'm going to bed," I sigh, before turning away.

I walk towards my bed and flop onto the mattress, and fall into a deep sleep within minutes.

-

"What the fuck is this?" My father spits holding up a note book of mine. My eyes fill with water as he rips at the pages.

"Stop!" I croak collapsing to the floor if my family home.

"You will never amount to anything!" He screams as he throws the notebook into the fire place.

"No!" I screech as I see my writing burn away. All those hours, all those memories, all that love.

"Do you know what I would give to have your brother back?" He screams at me. "I would give you!" My whole body trembles as he pulls me off the ground by my hair. "He would have done so much more than you could ever do!" He rages, his words laced with hatred and intoxication.

"I'm sor-" I whimper.

"Don't you dare say sorry!" He screams throwing me against the wall, still gripping my hair, I scramble free and race out the door.

"Get the fuck back here!" He barks, but I run and run until I'm at the beach. Suddenly Ben lays on the floor in front of me surrounded my paramedics and lifeguards.

I collapse onto the wet sand and scream, and scream, and scream

"Carter!" My mother screams shaking me "Carter!"

-

"Carter!" I jerk up, my whole body trembling and covered in a light layer of sweat, the bed sheets completely drenched in sweat. My cheeks wet with tears. Ashton stands next to my bed, his hands grip at my shoulders.

"I-I don't," I stutter, my head pounds, "Ben?" I whisper, it was a nightmare just a nightmare. Ben is gone.

"It's me," Ashton whispers tilting my head up, even though I know it's him. "You were screaming."

I bend my knees and press them up to my chest. I haven't had a nightmare since I was about 15.

"C'mon, Carter," Ashton picks me up I wrap my arms around his neck as he takes me into his room.

He lays me down on the bed and crawls in next to me. My thought jumbled and I'm quite honestly in shock.

"Are you okay?" Ashton asks wrapping his arm around me. I just simply shake my head. He kisses me on top of my head and hums me to sleep.

-

Ik I said I wasn't going to update for like two days, but I couldn't resist!😂-Caiti