You told me not to get addicted to the nicotine that I smoked. You said it was a fake love that filled my thoughts with every drag I took. You said that I didn't need it to be happy. But the truth is, I need to be addicted to something. Because it use to be you, I got addicted and like you said it was fake love that filled my head with the thoughts of finally having a future with someone. But just like that cigarette you burned out and you were gone. I wanted that calmness in reality to be real, but it wasn't. It only lasted a short period of time. I want to be addicted to something to stop being so afraid to do things. When we were together I only wanted to try a little alcohol because I was curious of the world around me, now that you you've completely ruined me I want to drink until the memories fade away and vomit my feelings away the next morning. I want to keep smoking to feel the numbness and happiness I get with every drag so I don't have to think about how happy you are without me. I'm doing okay without you, just by the way, not that you would even take a second to think about me. I want to be addicted to something because you were my cigarette, you made me happy momentarily, you made the world around me look so colorful when I only saw black and white, you made everything go numb, but in a good way. I didn't have to worry about what other people thought, because I had my addiction by my side the entire time. But, it wasn't real, it was very much fake. And the cigarette pack I carry with me is none of your concern, how else am I going to get that feeling of love again?
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts
RomanceI've always been one to keep quiet and write my thoughts. Afraid to actually tell people. Here no one knows who I am and some people can relate to the things i'm saying.
