Ask Miyoko! (An RIFT Q and A)

Review: Witcher 3 (with Caulifla too!)

Miyoko: My first impression of this game. BOOBIES.. BOOBIES AND BUTTS EVERYWHERE!! Male Pervert Players, if you like fan service with uncensored boobies, this is the game for you! Not why I played the game, but hey! That's the gist.  Other than that, the game's lore is deep, it connects with the original books on a deep level as well. If you're a fan of the Witcher Series in the books, then you will LOVE the games. It's like the Harry Potter Movies in game form, such attention to detail and adhering to the original story with very little change (other than the fact that you can end up with noncanon endings depending on your choices in Witcher 3).

Caulifla: "Er.. no idea what you said.. honestly I don't.. erm.. read novels.. but the game was fun I guess.. Miyo-chan needed to help me upgrade my English reading level before I could start playing, lot of reading required.. like.. tons.. you find all these lore stuff that need reading everywhere, and all your choices need reading... aghhh.. really it's only this bad for me.. cause.. I can't read.. well.. I'm getting better..  anyways. I've always been more for using my fists instead of swords, so I'm no too in love with the combat in this game, but overall I guess it's pretty good. Wish the monsters didn't all look so gross though.  (By the way.. Miyo-chan wrote this for me.. still workin'  on my writing..)

Pros:

Miyoko's take:

It's a good game. There's a reason it was the game of the year for when it was released. The game's choices REALLY affect the outcome, so you have to be VERY careful what you choose. Not every problem needs a fight to solve it.. sometimes you can level up and get stronger just by learning to weave your way around a fight, using well placed words to solve a problem, calm your enemies, and keep your conflicts from escalating.  I managed to stop what would've been a deadly bar fight that would have me wasting health items, and in bad standing with the Baron of Velen, just by offering to have a drink with the Baron's men.. otherwise the baron's men would get angry, and swords would be flying.  Thing is, this game feels like a combination of Dark Souls, Monster Hunter, and Fate Stay Night..  There are three endings that this game can have for the character Ciri depending on what you choose. One being the Meh cannon one, another being the "CIRI DIES" horrible one, and the third being the happy noncanon to the books ending, but the ending you'd rather have happen overall.

Caulifla's take:

Ugh.. boring...  not enough action. And every time I take the Fight routes and decisions that I wanna do, everyone ends up getting angry at me.. screw it Triss, they were gonna torture you, I'm not gonna stand by and NOT behead these guys.. jeez.  I don't like all the talking and having to figure out the lore.. I think I'm better suited to games where all ya need to do is punch the guy and have fun doing it. I like Geralt though, he's pretty cool.. really feels like a professional monster hunter..

Miyoko: "Caulifla.. this is supposed to be the PROS.."

Alright alright.. I liked Geralt's personality, that's what I like okay?

Cons:

Miyoko's take:

If my Mama watched me play these games, I'm pretty sure she'd be taking Witcher 3 back to the store.  Nudity, gore, and.. well.. NUDITY... is like rampant in this game. Think of it as Game of Thrones in video game form.  While guys will wear pants and towels in bath house scenes and stuff,  You can see Girls dangling their boobies for the world to see.. completely uncensored. There's even a Brothel where you can pay 20 crowns to watch Geralt screw a prostitute... so basically you're paying in game currency for in game porn.  Of course ALL the sex scenes are avoidable.. but at the cost of Geralt ending the game alone and wandering without either of his main ships Triss or Yen to comfort him.. otherwise you HAVE to watch them have sex at one point or another.  and there's an unavoidable bath house segment of the game with nude girls standing around EVERYWHERE..   I mean I'm female, I've seen it all.. but still, it just feels gross.  And Geralt has NO problem screwing girls left and right, he may seem cool at first, but he's an asshole pervert through and through.  Generally, this game is for perverted men if you want to be a completionist and see all the sex.  I mean sex in games has happened, but it has always mostly been censored... this game shows boobies in all their glory.  It's like a video game if the game had Uncle Gray's personality.. just.. random nudity everywhere.  Other than that, the camera of the game is really annoying, it always veers to the left when you sprint, intentionally so you can "Get a view of the world " but really all it does is make it very difficult when trying to sprint at enemies in combat, or run away from a difficult situation

Mikoto:  wait.. WHAT!?

Mama please don't.. I already finished the game..

Mikoto: WHAAAAAAAT!?

Caulifla's take:

Just naked people everywhere man.. eeeeeverrrywhere... and the monsters are ugly as hell.. Like even the good monsters like those Godling things, and Lubberkin whatsits, look ugly and warty or something..  if ya wanna have something similar to soft core dead space, this game is for you.  for people who aren't used to this stuff, you might feel slightly sick throughout the game.. only slightly though, honestly it's not bad at all compared to horror games..

Overall Take:

Miyoko: It's a good game.. really is .. Not for kids though. It's more of an adult's game, or for us teens who have already seen a little of the ugly side of life.. Other than the camera problems for the game, it's pretty good, fun, and for book readers, you'll enjoy the story plenty.

Caulifla: Good game.. not my kind of game.. but a good game..

Both: Thanks for reading our review!! This is Caulifla and Miyoko signing off!!