PIPE DREAMS #1 THE TRIP

Day 1.

"Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance between two people.- The painted Veil - William Somerset Maugham."

One week. One week only. For one week he would be mine. I would go to meet him at his hotel. That's what we said. I wanted to see why he returned and what he wants this time from me. I was feeling weak against him, but i didn't want him to know this and if he noticed this in the past, to not see this in me now. I wanted him now to keep me in his mind as a powerful, independent woman that has full control of every situation, she is cool, relaxed, comfortable with her self, her personality, her body, her sexuality. That i know what i'm doing or what i should do, know how to talk and act. To not let him handle me, manipulate me, the way he wanted. I'm no longer the girl he met three years ago. The girl is now a woman. To be in control or at least to have some control. 

I went to the hotel. I said my name at the reception like he told me and they gave me the number of his room. I got inside the elevator. I believe i was fast. I thought i was ready to see him but maybe i would never be ready enough, at least not the way that i had it in my mind and i figure it out as i pressed the button to take me to the floor where his room is, my hand was shaking. I held it tight with my other hand to stop but i realized that it wasn't only my hand but my whole body was shaking. There was an ongoing party in my stomach. I was breathing with difficulty. I looked my self in the mirror, my cheeks were red and felt like they were boiling and the temperature of my body was way up. Where are you going, i said to my self. Before three years you were younger and silly, you didn't know, now why are you going to make the same mistake and what can you offer him in comparison to these women that he can have by his side. I started walking fast by going in circles inside the elevator till my eyes stuck on the different floor buttons. I thought of start pressing them, there might still be time to get off to another floor and leave. For sure, i'm not ready for this meeting. I don't want him to see me like this. I have to go. But, before i get the chance to do anything, the door of the elevator opened and he was standing in front of me, by the door of his room. 

He was waiting for me. From what it seems, they notified him . What was i expecting? Calm down, i thought, everything is going to be fine, just don't let him feel that he has the upper hand. I walked inside. I avoided to look him in the eyes and he from behind me got inside and closed the door.  I sat across the bed in an armchair that was there. He sat on the bed next to his cell phone, he hold it in his hands and started to do something with it. He raised his head a few times, he looked at me and continued what he was doing with his cell phone. I sat back with my back against the armchair and i was waiting for him to finish. After a small period of time that this carried on, smoke started to come out of my ears. 

"Can you please leave down the cell phone", i yelled at him, "You would supposedly leave your job to come and see me. Why did you come?". 

He throwed off his cell phone far away, behind him. And, he looked at me in a way that was saying "are you satified now?". What he did pissed me even more. 

"Why your majesty leaved his work to come and visit me? Who? Me! Go away. Get up and leave.", i continued screaming. I had enough of him. I was being hysteric and him like always, his classic self, insensitive. "It was wrong of me to come here", i said. I got up to leave. 

"Where are you going?", he shout out and grabbed my hand. He pulled me close to him. I started to hit him, not very hard but enough to let me go. More, i was trying to push him away. He stuck me to the wall. How much power he has. He overpowered me, i couldn't move. His lips were in front of mine and he looked me in the eyes. I felt his breath on my lips. He knew that i would like that. He looked at me that way like he was so sure about his self. I should have wanted to give him a slap to cover his whole face to lose that certainty of his, but the only thing that i could think of was how much i wanted him to kiss me. He was reading me so well that he even wanted to make this moment last more till he kissed me. Slow torture. I was trying to speed up and he decreased the speed. His hands started to caress every part of my body. I let myself go. I was enjoying his experienced touch and lost again my self in his embrace. 

After some minutes, I tried to gather all the strength that i had inside of me and i pulled my self away from him. 

"What happened?", he asked and his eyes looked at me, puzzled.

"Do you have condoms with you? Because if you don't, i have with me, in my bag." He seemed annoyed by what i just said. Maybe, it was the realization that before, that we were all the time together, we were using only birth-control pills and now i asked him to use condoms because we are no longer together. Perhaps, he thought that i asked him because i don't trust him anymore. But, how to trust him and why to do it. 

He went to his bag and he took a package off and he shaked them for me to see and he left them on the bedside table. 

He approached me again. 

"You can calm now", he said and started kissing me again. His full of passion kisses awaken a sea storm of deep emotions inside of me. The waves started to sweep away my wishes, bended my resistance and i'm getting drowned and i want to scream, shout, cry for help, hit him, just leave but i'm so powerless to even move. I stayed there in his arms, tasting his lips, accepting his kisses like they are my oxygen and my life depended on them. If he stops, i will die, i will stop breathing. And like an artist's paintbrush that is getting dipped into the water and the color dissolves in it, like that we dissolved in each other.  And without any major holding back or denial of how i really felt, I belonged again to him.