Estella

Chapter 1

"Bye Estella, I love you." My boyfriend says to me.

"I love you too." I say back before getting out of his car.

I don't love him.

How could I ever love a person so evil?

But I know what would happen if I didn't say it back.

So I do.

Four years.

I have been with him since fall of freshman year of high school, since I was fourteen.

Now here I am, in January of senior year and I am eighteen.

I have been stuck with him for nearly four years.

I have been trying to escape him for years.

I try to break up with him frequently.

But he doesn't understand what 'no' means.

He never has.

He won't accept things not going his way, so they always do.

I open the door to my house to find my dad and siblings inside.

I go straight to my room.

I don't want to see them.

I don't want them to ask how my day was because I may not be able to keep it all in.

I don't want my sister to jokingly steal my phone and see the messages Jacob sends me.

I don't want my brother to ask about my boyfriend when even I don't want him in my life.

I don't want my parents to ask about my relationship.

I just don't want to talk to any of them.

I can't.

They can't know what is happening.

If they find out, I may not survive.

Jacob is strong.

He will hurt me.

He has hurt me.

He does hurt me.

I roll up my hoodie to reveal all the dark bruises on my wrists.

He always just grabs me and drags me around.

Everyone at school thinks we are just so cute together.

They all love our relationship.

They think we are the perfect couple.

They think Jacob is actually a good person.

I throw my bag down onto the floor and unzip it.

I pull out the plastic bag that I snuck away from the school to buy during my free period.

I just need a confirmation.

I take the box out of the plastic bag.

I know that it will be negative.

My period is probably just late because of stress.

He never uses any protection.

But I can't be pregnant.

I'm not pregnant.

If I am my life is over, possibly literally.

I take the test into my bathroom with me.

I'm going crazy.

There isn't even a possibility that I could be pregnant.

I am in high school.

I can't be pregnant.

If I am Jacob would not approve.

He wouldn't let me have his child.

He always gets his way.

If it were up to me, the possibility I could be pregnant would be nonexistent.

But the word 'no' does not mean a thing to him.

He never listens.

I don't want to be with him.

I never agreed to anything he did to me.

There should not be any possibility that I am pregnant.

And if I am pregnant, I am not going to be able to keep my child.

He would never let me.

I close my eyes and take the test.

Now I just have to wait.

I have shut my family out for so long.

They cannot know what is happening to me.

Every time they ask about Jacob it gets harder to lie.

I hate him.

I hate that he has stolen four years of my life.

I was supposed to chose who my first kiss was, who I lost my virginity to, who my boyfriend is.

But that never got to happen.

All it took was agreeing to one date.

When the most popular boy in my grade asked me on a date in front of everyone I felt that I had to say yes.

I never wanted our relationship to go past a single date.

But then he kept forcing me to go on more dates with him, then he forced me to be his girlfriend.

And now here we are.

Four years later I am still stuck with him.

I don't know how to tell anyone what is going on.

I don't want to have to tell my parents that their daughter is being abused, especially after I have just shut them out for so long.

I don't want to tell my brother and sister that their sister is stuck in a relationship that she doesn't want to be in.

I don't want to scare Isabella into never getting into a relationship.

I don't want my brother to somehow feel this is his fault.

From the outside everything about my relationship seems perfect.

No one can see the bruises I keep covered under clothes.

No one can tell that I don't want to be with him.

People are actually jealous of my relationship.

If only they knew what was happening behind closed doors.

If only any one knew.

If I am pregnant then I know I will be forced to get an abortion.

He won't want to have the burden of a child in his life.

A child that I had no say in even creating.

But I'm not pregnant, I can't be.

The chances of me actually being pregnant are low.

My mom wasn't even able to get pregnant when she actually tried to, she had to adopt my siblings.

There are so many other things all my symptoms could be.

I can't be pregnant.

If I were to be put into this situation my life would be over.

But that doesn't stop the test from saying positive.

Here it is, chapter 1. I just did my speaking exam and like, a year ago I would have been freaking out, but I've given up on caring and I'm not afraid to talk anymore.

So, that's good, I think, I'm not really that quiet anymore, apparently senior year just makes it so you don't care about anything anymore.

But I hope you all like this book.