Estella

Chapter 5

I sit as I wait for the doctor to come in, my mom right by my side.

I still feel awful about how little I shared with my family over these past few years.

But I feared that once I started talking, I wouldn't stop.

I didn't want to tell them what was happening.

I didn't want them to just feel bad for me.

I was stupid.

I should have gone to them for help right when I was forced to go on that first date.

Then maybe I wouldn't be here.

Maybe I would be happy.

I'm terrified.

He can't force me to kill this child.

I know he is going to try.

But for once, I have to fight back.

Because this time I'm fighting for far more than just myself.

I will still need to tell him at some point.

I can't just not bother telling him about this child and then have him find out when they are born.

He still needs to know, we will need to get things sorted out.

But I don't want to talk to him if I don't need to.

I know that we should probably have a meeting with our parents to discuss everything.

But I don't want them thinking that they can just walk all over us when they see my mom.

My mom has never let anyone's comments about her race bother her, she is proud of herself.

My mom isn't ashamed of who she is.

She is proud of her race, her past, how she was raised.

But it's hard when my boyfriend has done nothing but talk down about minorities for four years, not even realizing that I was part of one.

My dad seems to be the one who is most effected by all of this.

He seems to be way too worried about me.

My dad has always been one to over worry, and to dwell on things a bit too long.

He has always been overprotective, but he just cares.

My dad loves his children more than anything, and he struggles seeing us hurt.

I know this is hard for him too.

He is upset that someone hurt his daughter, and blames himself for not noticing that something was very off sooner.

He blames himself when he shouldn't.

My dad has always put everything on himself.

He always leaves himself in charge of making sure everything is perfect.

For some reason my dad has always decided that he needs to fix every problem that any of us have.

And now we are facing something that isn't quite as easy to get through.

At least he isn't mad at me, or disappointed, he's just upset that things worked out as they did.

But he doesn't hate me. He never could.

Loud knocks on the door interrupt my thoughts.

"Okay Estella, everything seems to be okay, your baby seems perfect healthy." She tells me. "And it seems you are already eleven weeks in."

Eleven weeks.

I'm already a quarter of the way through this pregnancy.

And the only ones who know are my parents.

These next weeks are just going to fly by.

If things work out, I'm going to have a child by September. Six months from now, I might be a mom.

Soon I'm going to start showing.

Soon I'm going to grind out the gender of my child.

Soon he's going to do all he can to kill our child.

I have had no say in any part of this relationship.

All I want is to have control over this one thing.

Hopefully we can figure out all of the legal aspects of this soon.

Hopefully I can just get full custody of this child and a restraining order and this can all just be over.

Maybe if I can find a way to keep my child then Jacob can finally get out of my life forever.

Or maybe once he leaves for college he can leave my life forever too.

He's trying to drag me to the other side of the country to college with him, but maybe now I can get out of that and never see him again.

I should be able to win this battle.

Hopefully if I just fight back for once he will leave my life forever.

I can just get full custody and he can leave my life and never have to worry about his child.

I'm not sure if that's how this works, but I'm hoping it is.

But probably not.

I don't care what he says.

I just know I'm going to fight as much as I need to until I win.

Khalid's new album drops tomorrow and I am READY. Your girl is so excited.

Also, I GOT MY BRACES OFF.

This retainer hurts so bad and my gums are still bleeding, but I'm so happy.