Redesign Me, State of the Art (Jalex)

If You Go I Think My Heart Would Break

Jack's POV

Sleep is usually the place I can find comfort. It's where I'm able to knock out and kill some time in between worrying. Last night's slumber was anything but tranquil however. My head was filled with images of B.N.E. torturing Alex and I; being strapped down to testing tables and assaulted with an arsenal of medical instruments. There was also this flashing image of Alex saying something to me in a tunnel. That one frightened me specifically because I could never recall it entirely, unlike every other dream I've ever had (perks of having a superpower remember?). The only reason I was able to piece together slight parts was because it had been reoccurring so often lately.

When I woke up though, I was incredibly at peace. Alex was still safely snuggled under my arm, hair all sleepy and messed up and adorable. He always seemed to look good at the most uncharacteristic times. I, on the other hand, had been entirely too lazy last night to even notice that there was a shower in my room. I probably smelled like a petting zoo. I quietly sniffed my armpit just to assess how bad the stench was and recoiled at the smell I encountered that confirmed my prediction. I hope Alex doesn't mind.

That was when the events of last night flashed through my brain suddenly; in that way that things always do when you wake up and jump back into reality out of dream land. An involuntary grin creased my cheeks and my heart fluttered over the memory. Whatever anger I was weirdly having toward him had vanished. I still couldn't figure out what it was that possessed him to volunteer to do it. I mean, truthfully, dicks are kind of gross. I don't even like looking at my own. Let alone putting one in my mouth. And ever since that first time, I've practically been scared to give someone a blow job. I think I want to give one to Alex though. I mean I've trusted him with my life, what's a little head? Cocks really do irk me still. I mean, for a gay kid, I sure do seem to dislike the male genitalia.

"Hey cutie," I suddenly heard from beneath me, signalling that Alex had apparently woken up while I was having my own inner monologue about the disgustingness of penises. I was sincerely hoping that he wasn't listening in on that. I had once again been running my fingers along his arm and was well aware that the slight contact could've connected us. He didn't say anything though; just peered up at me through his eyelashes, strikingly resembling last night. I tried my hardest to keep the color in my cheeks at bay but knew I wasn't doing a very god job.

"Morning sleeping beauty."

"Oh come on."

"What? I haven't given you a dumb nickname in a while. You didn't think I was gonna hold out forever did you?"

He didn't respond, but rather rolled his eyes and sat up.

"You're an idiot."

"That wasn't very nice," I fake reprimanded.

"Hey, if this relationship is gonna work we're going to have to be honest with each other," he smiled, leaning down and pecking my lips.

"Yeah well you chose me so I guess that makes you an idiot too," I laughed, taking advantage of his position, flipping him onto his back, and pinning his wrists down. He smirked at me, giving me an 'is that all you got?' kind of look. Taking him up on the challenge, my fingers quickly let go and moved to his torso, tickling his sides and making him squirm and struggle beneath me. I hated the feeling of being helpless, but I loved making Alex feel that way. After several pleads, I finally released him.

"Well this whole situation didn't really give me a choice did it?" he chuckled in between breaths, replying to my earlier statement.

I instantly felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach while the smile on my face slowly dimmed. He had unknowingly just affirmed one of the biggest insecurities I had about the formation and state of our relationship. My feelings were painted across my face and I could see Alex's confused eyes dart across the canvas, trying to decipher what had suddenly changed in my demeanor. I didn't mean to get so moody like I did. I was overreacting- I know- but I was also still sorta hung up on the unresolved conflict of those nasty little words that escaped me at Carter's house. Or more precisely, Alex's unresponsiveness to them. It only took him a few more seconds to backtrack and put together what had incited my melancholy expression.