Debris Of The Heart( A collection of Poems)

5. #Confessions1

Of course!
Wasn't it my fault? Wasn't all of it?
I shouldn't have been addicted to your smile. I shouldn't have drowned in your endless eyes. I should have known, that even if your voice was my favorite melody, I would never have it in repeat.

It just wasn't mine.
And I being a believer, prayed every time I closed my eyes. Prayed for you to look at me a little longer. Look into my eyes and say to me " I see myself in your eyes."
Prayed to god to make you see what I felt. How I could've made you fall in love with yourself. Oh, how I wish I could tell you all my secrets and hide yours in my  heart forever.
Only if you  had  let me. I would've counted all the stars in the sky instead of the scars on my skin now.
I thought you would understand me. Understand my uncommon thoughts. My insanity. I have been alone for so long, and when you stumbled in my life, I thought I won't anymore.
But it doesn't matter now. I accept that I was never made to be loved. I never deserve to be loved.
Don't you feel sorry, love. You aren't the only one who left me. And you won't be the last one.
But I promise, as long as I live, I will find you a place in this broken heart of mine. Believe me, there are millions of pieces.
I will remember you. Remember what it felt to know you. Remember what it felt to trust you.
A person I loved. And I could've loved forever but my heart is just too small.
I am not strong enough, love.
And  though I wanted to, you were never meant to be mine all along.
_________________________
Funny how words can break the silence you wish you could, without any sound.
However, don't blame yourself love, I am not strong enough.
Just like I'm not pretty enough, not skinnier enough, not responsible enough, not practical enough.
~K