13 Letters (Jenlisa)

Letter #06

February 23 23:00/11:00pm

Jennie,

My prettiest Jennie. I can never be wrong about what I said on my last letter. I am really going to see you every 23rd of the month. Because earlier again, I saw you. But things became different. I'm getting worried about it.

But first things first. Last February 14, it was Valentines Day. I wanted to give you something. I wanted to give it to you on the moment of our first meeting. I am so sure that it will happen. So I bought you something. It was a small cute teddy bear. It was the first thing that caught my attention. It has a rainbow in its stomach. It was so damn cute. It reminds me of you. I can't wait to give it to you.

And earlier, I went back to our place. I watched the sun sets so breathtakingly. I stayed there for a while. Until then, it became so dark. I was alone. I was losing hope on seeing you. But then, you came. You really came. You went to your favorite tree. You are alone. You looked so pale. You looked so weak. I tried to stand up from the tree where I was always watching you from behind.

I silently went behind your favorite tree since it was so big that you can't even notice me behind. But then, I heard it. That was the thing that I don't wanna hear from you. I hated it. I was totally surprised. I'm panicking inside. I don't know what to do.

You were crying. I heard your painful cries. It was so heartbreaking to hear.

But why? Why are you crying?

I hated myself for being just right behind you. I wanted to comfort you. I wanted to be right beside you. I wanted to wipe those tears and tell you that everything's gonna be okay. I wanna hug you so tight and kiss you right away. I wanted to do those things to you. But I can't. All I can do is just listen to your heartbreaking sobs.

I cried. My heart was aching, It fucking hurts. I don't wanna see you cry. I don't wanna hear you cry. That's the very least thing that I wanted from you, for you to cry. You don't deserve it. You're not suppose to cry that much. I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to smile all the time.

I can't take it anymore. I'll go crazy if I stayed there for too long so I decided to leave. I hate leaving you behind but I had no choice. If I didn't left, maybe I already went towards you. But I don't have that confidence yet. I'm not ready. But someday, I know I'll be able to do those things to you.

I'll be the one to wipe your tears. I'll be the one to hug you so tight. I'll be the one cheering you up and I'll be the one telling you that everything's gonna be okay.

I'm sorry. But one day, I'll be able to stay by your side.

Please wait for it, my Jennie.

Love, Lisa