Blackpool: Ever After

Chapter 8

Everything was building up around Jasmine, this wasn't the way she could break down her wall. The wall was only getting higher. It got harder and harder to process anything that was happening. The relationship of her and Keith had to suffer because of it. It got only worse. And it only made Jasmine feel like it was her fault, also because Keith said so. It made Jasmine cry. Jasmine didn´t know somebody she could turn to. Yes, Jasmine could turn to Elisabeth, she had said that she would also help Jasmine after the vacation if something was wrong. But Jasmine didn’t know if this was something Elisabeth could help her out with, it didn´t feel like it.

Jasmine had to do this by her own. She didn't know how, but she knew that she was good at one thing. That was running away from her problems by maybe taking her life. This problem with Keith looked so big that even ending the relationship didn’t seem like the right decision, it maybe would only make it worse.

Beside the relationship, also school had to suffer of how it was going with Jasmine. Her grades weren't that great and her friends didn't made it easier at some points.

Because everything went wrong in the eyes of Jasmine, she couldn't see anything else then going back to her suicide attempts. But this time it would be for real. It wasn't the best way out, but at this point the only way to go away of everything. It seemed like an good idea. The only thing that she had to do was writing down letters to her parents and Keith. She knew exactly what she would write down in both of them:

Dear mum and dad,

I don´t know how to explain to you how I feel. I feel that there is so much in the world pushing down on my shoulders. It isn't going away anytime soon.

My relationship with Keith is also not going that well.

I don't know another way out then doing this. Everything is just too much.

Your divorce was also not easy to process, I didn´t say that out loud because I wanted to be a big girl. Now I wish that maybe I had shared it with you. But it´s too late now. I´m gone, mum and dad, I´m gone forever now. Your little girl is gone, just know that I'm in a better place now.

Love,

Jasmine

Dear Keith,

My life sucks everyday again, I can't live my life how it is now.

Our relationship isn't working how it should be, it isn't how  I wanted it.

No one can get me out of here, life comes how it comes…

It´s just the problem that I got, that I don’t know how my life comes and how I´ve to live it.

You're always somewhere in my heart, always  there because I love you.

Even when times are hard.

I know that you love me, you say that all the time, over and over again.

All the way you come from, all the way that I know you.

You know that I love you with whole my heart.

You´ll be there for me if I need you, I can always come to you if you need me.

I could always come to you with my troubles, you would try to listen and give me some advice…

Just for me because you love me.

Just for me because I´m a part of your heart.

Just for how I am.

You're one of the persons who accepted me for how I am.

That´s how I wanted everybody to accept me.

Love,

Jasmine

When Jasmine was finished she looked at the letters with tears in her eyes, she placed the letter for her parents ate the eating table and the one for Keith did she placed right next to it in an envelope, her parents had to give that to him or sent it by mail. Jasmine felt sad and sorry for leaving them like that behind, but they had to understood why she did, what she was about to do. This time it was for real.

Jasmine went to the loft of her house, searched for a sheet that she could wrap around one of the brays, then she found a belt that could perfectly keep the sheet in place. She stood on a chair to make her own murder weapon. When she was done she looked at it proudly. It was time for her to get to a place where she belonged, a better place.

Jasmine placed the chair right underneath the sheet, knotted it around her neck. Jasmine slowly and carefully walked to the edge of the chair. She looked up, lightly pulling at the sheet, checking if it was good secured. It was good secured. Jasmine stood there for a few minutes at the edge of the chair, clearly thinking about what she was going to do. It seemed so right to do. Jasmine slowly walked closer and closer to the edge of the chair until she was only standing on it with the heels of her shoes. It was the last time to go back, but Jasmine didn’t want to go back. She wanted to leave this world.

There it was her big moment, she had to take the last little step to get to her destination. Jasmine took the last little step. Jasmine fell into nothing, while she fell the halter tightened and she couldn’t breathe anymore. It was over. Jasmine was gone.