We are standing side by side at the far end corner of the lounge area, away from the prying eyes of other stranded passengers. Pareho kaming nakatingin lang sa madilim na kalangitan. We've been like this for a couple of minutes but no one has dared to speak.
Not anymore.
"Bakit?" Glaiza asked after a while, still looking out the window.
Her question is vague. Maraming pwede isagot sa kanyang bakit pero alam ko na ganun din karami ang tanong sa isip niya.
Narinig ko ang pilit niyang tawa. "Sorry. Sobrang dami kasi ng bakit sa utak ko hindi ko na alam kung ano ang uunahin."
I glanced at her. Pilit ko pa rin binubuo sa isip ko ang mga salitang isasagot ko sa kanya.
She glanced at my side as well. Her eyes filled with questions. "Sige, simplehan na lang natin. Masyado ata kitang nabigla."
"Bakit....bakit hindi ka na bumalik?"
I know I have every right not to answer her. But I also know she deserves an answer.
"I-I had to focus on my career," I finally answered.
"Pero bakit mo naman ako iniwan sa ere, Rhian?" tanong niya na puno ng hinanakit.
"Hi, baby love! Nakausap ko na pala yung kakilala ko sa agency. All set na daw. Makukuha mo na visa mo next week," bungad ni Glaiza sa akin pagbukas ko ng pinto.
Tumango lang ako. "That's great. Thanks, Glai."
Yung masayang pagbati niya ay napalitan ng tipid na ngiti. I know for sure that it's about the endearment. Madalang ko na lang kasi gamitin simula nung magkaayos kami.
Yes, I gave her a second chance. I stayed in our relationship. Nakita ko naman na bumawi siya sa mga pagkakamali niya. She stood by my side when I was having a rought time during reviews. Kahit busy siya sa mga plates niya, tinutulungan niya ako minsan sa pag review. She would always hype me up to keep me motivated whenever I feel like slacking off. Nung nakapasa ako sa boards, she was the proudest. When I decided to apply abroad, even if deep down she's reluctant, she helped me with all the requirements. Indeed, she kept her word.
But everything was different. I feel different. I feel like there is something off in our relationship. Since our almost breakup, I never see her they way I see her before. I love her still, that never changed, but I was mad at the same time. I slowly realized that I was not over her cheating. Everytime I see her is like a reminder of how painful it is to be cheated on.
"Uhm...free ka ba, love? Ayain sana kita lumabas. May interesting movie na bagong labas ngayon," Glaiza offered.
Katatapos ko lang naman mag clinic at wala na akong iba pang gagawin mamaya. Pero wala aki sa mood lumabas kaya tumanggi ako. "Magpapahinga na lang siguro ako. Next time na lang."
"Oo nga pala. Malamang pagod ka. Sorry, love, nakalimutan ko." Hinawakan niya ang kaliwang pisngi ko at maingat na hinaplos. "Sige, pahinga ka na. Magluluto na lang ako for dinner."
"Si mama na lang. Tsaka baka may mga kailangan ka pa tapusin," muling pagtanggi ko.
She just gave me a warm smile. "Edi tulungan ko si tita. It's okay, love. I'm always here for you, remember?"
I just smiled back at her. Bakit ba ako nagkakaganito?
I felt her hands suddenly grasped mine. Her face etched with confusion and hurt.
"No reason...no excuses...no actual breakup. Y-you just...left. And you never came back. I wanna know why, Rhian. Please," she begged.
"Because I realized it was a mistake when I chose to stay in our relationship!" I cried out. Pilit ko man kumalma pero nahihirapan na rin ako to contain my feelings.
